Smoke and Shadows
by USSManhattan
Summary: Held captive and mercilessly tortured by the Brotherhood, Raven struggles not only to escape, but to gain some sense of normality.
1. Gathering Clouds

"Titans, go!"

Unfolding his staff with flourish, Robin lead the charging Teen Titans against the Brotherhood of Evil. Behind him flew the graceful Starfire, the reclusive Raven, and determined Cyborg astride a large green T-Rex. Their opponents readied themselves for a fight as the two groups collided.

"Ze Titans are angry today, _oui_?" a large gorilla snarked as he evaded Robin's swipes.

"Indeed they are, Mister Mallah," a withered old man replied slyly as he pressed a few buttons on a remote control. At his beck and call, several drones flew up and engaged the flying Titans.

"The immortal one is harassing me!" Starfire squeaked.

"Cute, Immortius," Raven snarked as she knocked the devices out of the air with a small blast of soul energy. "But... it'll take a little more than that."

"Indeed it will, dear," a Russian voice trilled from behind her. The cloaked girl turned to see the sneering owner of the voice.

"Madame Rouge," she growled.

"Hello, Raven,"the shapeshifter replied, smirking.

"Less greeting, more beating," Raven replied as her eyes blazed white.

"Yes, of course darling... Back off, everyone... Goth Girl is mine."

"'Goth Girl?' Did you need help to think of that?" Raven drawled. Her opponent frowned in annoyance.

"You're quite the arrogant one, Raven..."

"Well, I try," the girl replied with a sly smile.

"Someone must teach you a lesson," Rouge insisted.

"Someone must shut you up," Raven croaked as she opened her arms wide. "Azarath Metrion Z--" Raven's trademark chant was cut off as Rouge's arms snapped up and grabbed the teenager, dragging her to the ground.

"I do believe it's you who needs to shut up, girl..." Rouge insisted.

"Shut this," Raven growled as black energy began to flow out of her and into Rouge. The woman smirked, as if was a mere parlor trick. She twitched her head, and the blackness was forced back into Raven. She stiffened with a gasp, eyes wide.

"Ah, you didn't know about my new... surgery? I'm able to repulse any attack right back onto the attacker. Now, let's see you be afraid for once, shall we?"

"I'm not afraid..." Raven rasped, looking away. Her teammates whirled and realized their friend's predicament, but a sea of drones kept them away.

"Oh, but you are. You are. Yes, I can see it. Your father..."

"Isn't a threat," the girl hissed, struggling.

"But, he lives on in you, doesn't he darling? Yes, I can see your fears. The end of the world, for real this time, no?"

"It's over," Raven replied. A note of fear choked her voice.

"No, it's not," Rouge replied as she squeezed Raven's arms harder. The demon hybrid jerked violently.

"Yes, your friends are dead, at your hand. The fear, the dread, the ruins, the anguish, it burns at you, doesn't it? I can feel it, girl."

"You don't scare me!" Raven snapped, terror growing in her voice.

"No, but you do," Rouge replied. With that, she morphed into a clone of her victim, possessed by her demonic father. Four red eyes and long antlers looked down at her with a sneer. "Look at the future, my young friend," her clone growled in her own voice, heavy with anger and hate. Raven cried out, and Rouge dropped her as the shapeshifter reverted to normal. The teenager crumbled to her knees, panting.

"Raven!" Robin cried as he ran to aid her. Again, drones kept him back.

"You can easily stop this, girl," Rouge soothed mockingly, putting a hand on the trembling girl's shoulder. Raven did not respond; pained, fearful breathing was the only thing coming out of her mouth. "Ah, I see. A glutton for punishment? Very well, then..." she snarked as she again grabbed Raven. The teenager staring into her cold eyes was frozen in terror. "Scared, darling? No. You do not know fear. However, I shall now show you fear." With that, she dragged Raven forward with a jerk and enveloped her body in one motion.

"No!" Starfire cried as she was held back by drones.

"Oh, such concern for your little friend," Rouge mocked as she clutched her swollen middle tight. "I'm just going to show her the true meaning of fear." With that, the form embedded in Rouge thrashed as Raven's pained screams broke the stillness. With a feral growl, Robin dove at her. She sidestepped him easily. "We're done here," she sniffed. "Goodbye, Titans." With that, Rouge disappeared with Mallah and Immortius in a flash of light, leaving only the echo of Raven's screaming behind.

"Raven...?" Starfire squeaked, flying to where the gruesome display had occurred. "Where are you, dear friend?"

"She ain't here, Star," Cyborg said grimly.

"So I noticed," Beast Boy sighed. Robin a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll find her, Beast Boy. I promise," he assured him.

"Will she be her, though? She sounded like she was being murdered..." Beast Boy sighed.

"I know, but we'll find Raven. Alive. Back to the Tower, Titans."

But, Robin was wrong. Wherever the Brotherhood took Raven, it was untraceable. As the hours dragged into days, hope began to fade. By the time a week had passed, the team had begun to wonder if Raven was ever coming back.

* * *

Raven struggled to compose herself as she staggered up the hill to Titans Tower. Her cloak and leotard were tattered and stained, and her face was dirty. But she couldn't let her teammates know what had happened to her. She straightened herself and through great effort put on her usual calm, stoic expression before walking inside. She found them in the living room, hunched over the computer. "Hey. I'm back," she called with a shrug. The Titans jerked their heads up in stunned shock.

"Oh, happy days! Friend Raven has returned!" Starfire cried as she swooped down upon the arrival. Suddenly, Raven cringed and opened fire, nearly hitting the alien. "Raven? Why are you attacking me?" Starfire sobbed.

"Yeah, what's up, Raven?" Cyborg asked.

"Nothing, I'm fine, nothing happened to me!" Raven suddenly snapped. "I'm going to my room." With that, she flew off. As she landed and walked away, she could hear her friends talking.

"What was THAT all about?" Cyborg asked, confused.

"Raven's probably just tired... who knows what the Brotherhood was doing to her," Robin shrugged. "We should stay alert, though. They might have interrogated her for information."

"What?" Beast Boy squeaked. "There's no way Raven would sing!" he snapped. Suddenly, an alarm went off. The battered teenager slowed to a stop. She knew what that alarm meant.

"Trouble!" Robin cried. "Dr. Light's at the main power plant stealing power. Let's go, Titans!"

_"Dr. Light?"_ Raven thought. _"I'm sure knocking some sense into the sorry little man would get me energized again."_ With that, she ran down the hall, startling her teammates with her arrival once more.

"I'm ready," Raven said as she pulled on her hood.

"You... are?" Starfire blinked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Raven asked, a note of defense in her voice. The gray teen's hands twitched slightly. Robin looked at them for a moment, then at their owner's face.

"You're sure you're up to this..." he insisted.

"Yes, yes, let's go!" Raven growled, storming off. Her teammates gave each other a confused and concerned look, and followed after.

* * *

Before the Titans had even entered the main generator room, they heard the bombastic, bragging voice of one of their most pathetic nemeses.

"The power! The power of Jump City in my grasp!" Dr. Light cried as they ran in. His arms was outstretched, a smile on his face as his body greedily drank in the power flowing into it. Raven frowned, annoyed.

"Are you just stupid... or, really stupid, dear doctor?" she snorted. With that, Dr. Light brought his arms down, and turned slowly towards his opponents.

"Well, well. The Teen Titans. And, is that Raven with you?"

"That's... what they call me," the teen croaked, her clothes still dirty and torn. "Now, shut up and get down like a big boy."

"I... think not, girl," Dr. Light scolded. He raised a sole arm, as if to call something down upon the Titans' heads. Suddenly, the power went out and the generators slowed, throwing the entire room into darkness. "Much better," he called out.

Raven's breathing froze in her throat. She backed away from her friends, looking around in fear as she did. Just as she was starting to think she was safely away from an attacker, she bumped against something cold and metallic.

"Boo," the form said calmly with an icy sneer to it. Raven shrieked and tried to run, but the form held fast.

"Let me go!" she cried, more in fear than usual annoyance.

"Now, why would I want to do that?" Dr. Light mused mockingly. "There's so many other things I can do now that the shoe's on the other foot," he added. "Oh, I know," he said as the power suddenly returned, showing them above a box on the floor. "You're far too mobile right now." With that, he dropped Raven into the box below, which slammed shut after her. The girl's reaction was immediate; her eyes dulled in terror and she pounded fiercely against the walls.

"Let me out!" she cried. "Please! Let me out!" Above, her teammates stared in shock. Raven was terrified, let alone showing emotion? The sight was too numbing to let them move to help her. Unopposed, Dr. Light landed next to her. He leaned down so his face was right against the imprisoned teen's.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd like it. Perhaps it's too... open for you?" he shrugged mockingly as he pressed a button. The box shuddered, and began to shrink. Raven wailed once more and cowered, covering her head with her hands as if bracing for an incoming bomb. Finally, just as she was about to be crushed, the box stopped. Dr. Light opened the box and lifted Raven out, smirking. She opened her eyes enough to see his mocking expression.

"Raven, you... are a sad little girl," he said simply. With that, he tossed her across the room. She skidded to a stop, moaning. The man smiled at his job well done, then looked up at the Titans. He nodded a goodbye, and ran out of the building. More concerned with their friend, the Titans ignored him and ran to help Raven.

"Raven? Are you... okay?" Starfire asked.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..." she mumbled over and over, as if to convince herself of the claim. She looked up, struggling to keep her usually controlled face. "I'm fine," she said, voice cracking.

"Raven..." Robin scolded.

"I said I'm fine!" Raven snapped. "Now, let's go!"

"If you say so," Cyborg shrugged.

* * *

"Please, friend! Tell us your woes!"

"No! There aren't any woes!"

"Raven, stop it. You were crying. You were screaming. You were beaten by DR. LIGHT," Robin insisted. "There is something wrong!"

"No! You're all confused and delusional!" Raven snapped, shattering a few light bulbs in the room. "You just didn't know what you were seeing!"

"No, pretty sure we did know," Beast Boy countered. "You were, uh, crying Raven. Real bad."

"Shut up," she answered in a low growl.

"Rae..." Cyborg said.

"Shut. Up."

"But, Raven..." Starfire pleaded. Raven's soul self blazed.

"I told you! There is nothing wrong! I am fine! They didn't do anything to me, do you understand?"

"...we didn't ask if someone did something to you..." Robin answered.

"Well, that's because no one did anything to me, end of story," Raven snarled. "Now, if you have to need me, I'll be in my room. I want to be left alone." With that, she turned and walked away.

"Uh, Rae..." Beast Boy asked as a sheep. Raven froze and her soul self blazed even brighter. The small boy yelped and hid behind Cyborg. Her questioner scared, Raven calmly walked towards the door to quarters. Silence fell over the room as she left. Now finally alone, the girl entered her dark room. Her hands twitched, her eyes clenched shut, and an angry power built inside of her. With one loud, shrill cry, Raven flung her arms and screamed. The world seemed to explode; her windows shattered, her mattress burst, her books went flying, and the seldom used light bulbs exploded, showering her with sparks and fine pieces of glass. Spent, Raven slid down the foot board of her bed and collapsed to her knees. Merciful stillness gripped her room until an invasive knock came to her door.

"Uh, Raven?" a familiar, high pitched male voice called. Raven closed her eyes and clenched her fists.

"Beast Boy, I'm going to ask you again. Leave me alone."

"Rae, you need to talk to someone..."

"No, I don't, because I'm fine," Raven replied as she crawled onto the remains of her bed.

"Please stop lying..." Beast Boy begged.

"I'm not lying. I'm fine. Absolutely fine..." Raven croaked. "Absolutely..." Before she could finish, she broke down and started to weep softly. With her head buried in her hands, she didn't see the small green snake slipping under the door, or the sound of flesh twisting into another shape.

"Raven?" Beast Boy gasped in shock. The girl looked up at him, stunned.

"No... go away..." she blurted.

"Raven, this is getting old!" Beast Boy snapped. "Now, c'mon, talk t--"

"You're a lie!" Raven cried.

"...what."

"You're a lie! You're not real! Go away! Just... leave me alone!" Raven screamed, hurling a partially torn pillow at him before resuming her weeping.

"Um... can I prove to you I'm not at all?" the boy asked.

"No. You can't. You're fooling me."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Raven! I'm real!" he insisted, walking towards her gently. "Honestly!"

"You're a mirage!" the shaken teenager snapped back.

"I am not!" Beast Boy huffed defensively. He paused, then smiled. "Could a mirage do... this!" he blurted, hugging Raven tight. The hugee stiffened with a whimper.

"Um, are you okay?" Beast Boy asked.

"...don't do it again..." Raven begged softly.

"Do what again? Raven, what's your deal!"

"You know what," she gulped.

"No, I don't..." he insisted. Slowly, Raven turned. She looked him up and down, as if searching for a zipper or buttons or some other signs of fakery. To the utter shock of the boy hugging her, Raven squeezed back as if he were a prized teddy.

"Please be real. Please be real. Oh, Azar, please be Beast Boy," she begged with a hoarse choke.

"Uh, I am..." Beast Boy replied.

"Prove it," Raven whispered, eyes wide, begging for an answer.

"Okay. Um, remember the time I put itching powder in your hood once?"

"Yes," Raven said cautiously. "And how I actually got you back."

"No you didn't," Beast Boy said with a furrowed brow. "You just yelled at me really loud and made me think I was going to die." Raven blinked, and a thankful glow appeared in her eyes. She squeezed Beast Boy even tighter.

"It IS you!" she sobbed happily.

"First, Raven," Beast Boy gasped, "loosen your grip on me." The boy relaxed as Raven's tight grip indeed loosened around him. "And, second," he continued as he rubbed her back, "tell me what happened."

"It was horrible..." Raven choked. "they... they..." The girl couldn't bring herself to say it, and she resumed her crying.

"Who? What did they do?" Beast Boy urged.

"The Brotherhood," Raven said softly at last. "I don't know how it all started, or when, or why..."

"I did see," Beast Boy insisted. "We all did. Rouge pretty much swallowed you and disappeared with Mallah and Immortius after the fight..."

"That was only the beginning," Raven replied with a whisper and scared shake of her head. "It was so much more than that... so much more..."

* * *

_**...Flashback...

* * *

**_

Raven grunted as she hit a hard, stone floor face down. The cold rock made her shudder, but compared to where she just was...

"Welcome to your new home, girl," Rouge sneered as she closed her body. The teen sat up with a groan and rubbed her head wearily, looking around. She found herself a small, cramped chamber, barely enough room to move around in. There was nothing inside, not even so much as a cot. Raven stumbled for the Russian shape shifter, but a forcefield bounced her back, sending her back onto her rear.

"Oh, peachy," she muttered.

"How sweet. You think you can attack me," Rouge smirked. "Tell me something, ... how did it feel?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Raven rasped as she stood up.

"If you insist. What matters is that you're here."

"Oh, yes. I'm just going to relax here at the Hotel Brotherhood. Tell me, do you have Room Service? I'd like some herbal tea," Raven croaked with a raised eyebrow. Rouge frowned, annoyed yet amused.

"Still the same cynical, stone hard Raven, I see," she nodded. "That will change, I assure you."

"Will it now," Raven snarked back.

"Enjoy your arrogance while you can, Roth," Rouge warned.

"Now I'm just annoyed," Raven rasped as her eyes lit up white and she brought up her arms. "Azarath Met--" She was cut off as something clamped around her throat. She gagged, clutching at her neck. Her hands touched something cold. Feeling it, she found some sort of collar around her neck.

"Yes, we wouldn't want you breaking free and zapping us," Rouge scolded. "As I was saying, you're going to lose more than you can imagine, my friend. I'll let you think about that for a while." With that, she left, locking a steel door behind her.

_"What could she possibly mean..."_ Raven muttered in her head.

* * *

Hours later found Raven pacing her small cell. It wasn't so much pacing as it was all but turning in circles. Her hands firmly clasped behind her back, head hung slightly in thought, the girl grumbled, trying to think of her next move.

"Captured by the Brotherhood... this is ridiculous," she muttered. "And why ME specifically? Why not Cyborg? Or Beast Boy? Or all of us? And how do I get rid of this thing..." Raven added as she tugged at the collar around her neck. She convulsed as an electric shock ran through her. "...without killing myself," she mumbled. "All I know is, I can't very well breakout without knowing where I am, why I'm here, and what--" She trailed off as the door creaked open. Madame Rouge stood before her once again.

"Hello, Raven. Enjoying your stay?"

"Loads," the teen growled icily.

"Good. Only first class facilities for guests," Rouge smirked.

"Is... that a fact? I'm still waiting on that herbal tea, and I want to go sunbathe on the patio." The older woman scowled.

"I'm getting rather tired of your attitude, girl," Rouge replied.

"Good for you," Raven answered, a wry smile on her lips.

"Yes, after that, I do believe it's time we began."

"Begin what exactly, Rouge..." Raven hissed.

"Why, your torture, you silly girl," Rouge smirked. Raven's already faint smile faded away.

"Torture? What do you mean by t--" The teenager was cut off as her captor's putty like limbs lashed out and ensnared her. Again, Raven's own powers tore through her body, causing her stiffen and buck in agony. She groaned through her teeth.

"Yes, let's take a look at what's in that little gray head of yours, shall we?" Rouge mused. Before Raven could answer, she was once again swallowed up in the cold flesh of Rouge's body.

* * *

Raven found herself on top an indiscreet building in Jump City at night. The girl scowled, circling her shoulder so her cloak fell around her.

"This... is what you think I fear," Raven snarked. "Yes, I'm terrified. I'm shaking in my boots."

"Are you now," Rouge's voice called from nowhere. Raven looked around, trying to find where the voice was coming from, but the source remained invisible. "Well, I do believe you will be shortly. Tell me, dear, do you feel anything?"

"I'm annoyed, irritated, frustrated, a little angry... anything else, Rouge?"

"How about physically?"

"Well," Raven grumbled, "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but my hands do feel a little f..." Raven trailed off as she looked down. Her fingers were no longer fingers, but sharp, hooked talons taking on a reddish hue. "What...?" she muttered.

"Feeling anything else now, Raven?" Rouge teased. "Fear, perhaps? Or rage? Anger? ...Hate?"

"It's not real," Raven whispered as her skin turned bright red. "It's not real. It's not re--" Her denial was cut of by a splitting headache. Her hands flew to her head just as large, long bony objects tore through her flesh and sprouted.

_"Antlers!"_ she gaped mentally.

The aching in her body continued, her ears sharpening, eyes watering and doubling; her vision now came in tones of blood red. Her teeth stretched out, and became razor sharp. Raven groaned and clutched her stomach as something within her twisted and swirled. She arched in pain as her bones cracked with a sickening crunch; her feet twisted and melted, reforming into hooves as her legs took on the shape of a powerful beast of war. As the feelings died away, a mirror sprouted as if from nowhere, and she saw her reflection.

The daughter of Trigon's reflection.

"No..." she managed, a hand to her mouth. The voice that came out was hers, now with an undercurrent of hate and rage.

"Oh, yes, Raven. This is very real. And look, here come your little friends!" Rouge mocked. Without her doing so, Raven whirled around to face the onrushing Titans. Something else was controlling her body; something she couldn't fight. Her teammates landed on the building, and gaped.

"...Raven?" Robin asked, shocked. Raven yelled at them to flee while they could... well, she would have if she had control of her mouth. Instead, her body raised a single hand, a fireball forming in it. She could feel a cold sneer forming on her face.

_"Stop... don't..." _her mind snapped. Her body didn't listen. With one quick flick of her arm, Raven watched helplessly as her body flung the ball at Robin. The boy burst into flames and crumbled to a charred heap before he ever knew what happened. The surviving Titans looked down at what was left of their friend, then at his murderer.

"Oh, you're going down now, traitor," Cyborg growled as he took aim. Raven felt herself pulled forward, and watched as her clawed hands grabbed the large man and tore his chest to shreds, feeling the shudder as man and machine emitted their last gasps of life. She threw the lifeless hulk aside.

_"This isn't happening!" _Raven's mind screamed as her body lunged for Starfire. The small alien yelped and took to the air. But, it was to no avail. The demonic Raven stretched right after her, growing and growing until her cold, hateful arms ensnared her. Starfire's terrified eyes stared into hers as Raven watched her body break the alien almost in half, then drop the dead girl into the alley below. With the third Titan down, Raven sank back down and turned to the last one left.

**_"Hello Beast Boy..."_** her alien voice rasped.

"Rae... Raven... no," Beast Boy begged. Before he could even wince, the demon swept over him, and he was pulled into a torrent of cold fire and rage below his friend's cloak. His screams slowly died away as the maelstrom within calmed. Raven's mind was still struggling with what she saw when she felt her arms rise into the air.

**_"Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!"_**

As Raven watched, a horrific shockwave spread out from the building. Jump City evaporated in a wall of fiery destruction, which spread out from its charred ashes and continued over the horizon. She couldn't see it, but she could feel it, racing over continents, evaporating oceans, searing life from the surface. As the tremor slowed, Raven found herself as the last thing on a charred, lifeless Earth. The mirror popped back up from the wreckage of the building she stood on, accented by the fires as the empty cities of the world burned around her.

"You have a wonderful future ahead of you, Raven."

Raven screamed as the world and her mind turned black.

* * *

Raven grunted twice as Rouge expelled her from her body; once for hitting the wall, another for landing on the ground.

"Was that pleasing for you, dear?" Rouge smirked as Raven frantically patted herself down and looked down at human hands. Realizing what she was doing, Raven straightened up and climbed to her feet.

"I'm not scared of your parlor tricks, Rouge," Raven answered. But even she couldn't hide the tremble of fear in her voice.

"Is that a fact?" Rouge asked, crossing her arms.

"You heard me," Raven managed. "I'm not scared."

"Oh, of course. The hour, however, is late. Have something to eat before bed," she urged. She handed her a stale piece of bread.

"Cute," Raven snarled. "I'm not an animal."

"Oh, of course. Good night, Raven," Rouge replied. With that, she slammed the door shut and locked it behind her. Grumbling, Raven sat down, pulled her cloak tight, and fitfully dozed off.

* * *

An air horn jerked the girl awake from her sleep.

"Good morning, sleepy head..." Rouge smirked. "Breakfast?" she offered, extending the same piece of bread. Raven smacked it out of her hand with a feral growl, causing Rouge to frown as she picked it up.

"Temper, temper, Raven."

"If I didn't have this collar on, you would know the meaning of 'temper,'" Raven replied in an icy voice.

"Oh, I'm sure I would. Goodbye now, Raven," Rouge replied as she left.

"That was exciting," Raven grumbled as she turned over and faced the corner of the cell. Still groggy from the recent stress and lack of food, she wanted to do nothing but go back to sleep. In fact, she was so tired, she could have sworn the walls, floor and ceiling were compacting. She sat up.

"That's not possible when you're simply tired," she said to herself as she took stock around her. Yes, everything was starting to compress on her. This... was not a good thing. On instinct, Raven jumped up and tried to push the invasive constructs back, but it was no use; they were far too heavy and large to move. Strained and exhausted, she flopped onto the floor, watching as her world continued to close in.

"Stop," she snapped. Of course, it didn't work.

"I said stop!" she yelled again, a note of terror in her voice. Still, the bricks kept coming. Stressed, Raven huddled and shielded her head with her arms.

"Stop, stop, stop!" she cried as she felt the six sides push up against her, biting into flesh, compressing her bones, making them creak...

...then, nothing. Raven sat up, blinking, as something withdrew from her sides. Rouge's arms; their owner looked down at her in mock concern.

"My, my, Raven. We were having such a nice conversation, then you simply started screaming about something crushing you!"

"That's impossible... you weren't here..." Raven sputtered.

"Oh, but I was, my friend. You see, the Brain and Phobia have cooked up something wonderful with you in mind. My suit? Covered in a chemical that, when in contact with a victim, brings his or her fears to life. You've just had two tastes of it."

"Lucky me, I'm a lab rat," Raven mumbled. She looped her arms around her knees slightly. Rouge raised an eyebrow.

"What's this? Hugging your knees? Are you scared, Raven?"

"No! Nothing scares me!" Raven snapped. "And you don't control me."

"We don't?" Rouge asked, feigning offense. "I'd look around if I were you, Raven. You're in our cell, wearing our collar, subject to our whims... I'd say you are."

"Well... you're wrong!" Raven replied.

"Are we really? I can hear the fear in your voice, see it in your eyes..."

"Get out!" Raven spat. Rouge scowled.

"Oh, you sound strong now. But you'll crack, I assure you, Even Raven has her limits. And once we reach them, well... you'll sing like a bird."

"Out!" Raven snapped, her eyes turning white. This activated the collar once more, and she choked, clawing at it. Rouge sighed in mock disappointment.

"Not talkative? A pity. You always were fun to talk to..." With that, she stepped out of the small cell and once more slammed the door shut behind her. Behind her, Raven's pain died away and she returned to a calm sitting position. She refused to believe the putty-like woman taunting her. She had been controlling her emotions for years, a few parlor tricks wouldn't make her snap. She'd beaten her own father at the brink of the apocalypse. There was no way, on Earth or Azar, that she was going to let a creep like Madame Rouge do what enemies like Slade and Trigon had failed to do. She breathed deeply and sought to center herself. She had to admit, however, these walls were a bit confining...

* * *

Time had passed; she didn't know how much.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Raven hovered, cross legged, eyes closed, hands in Zen position for concentration. If anything was going to help her escape or stay calm, it would be her meditation routines. She winced at the distracting growl of her stomach. It had been days since she'd had anything decent to fill it with; the last thing she remembered having was her usual fare of herbal tea. No matter. She had to focus. Focus on channeling her energy. Focus on how to get out of here. Focus on the pizza, fresh out of the oven...

Raven's eyes snapped open as the wonderful aroma of fresh pizza filled her nostrils. She couldn't see anything, but she certainly smelled something. The melted cheese, the nicely baked crust, the sweet sauce... the teenager felt her mouth begin to water in anticipation. She scowled and struggled to focus.

"Azarath, Metrion--"

Now she could smell herbal tea, freshly boiled. The wonderful aroma of her favorite herbs flicked teasingly in her nose, tempting her. Raven scowled and clenched her eyes. She refused to give in to the Brotherhood's petty tricks.

"Azar--"

Gingerbread cookies. Her secret Achilles' heel of food. She growled in frustration and crashed to the floor. There was no way she could focus now. Just as she was stewing over the failure to focus the door opened. Raven looked up in an odd combination of rage and hope that perhaps it wasn't a hallucination when Rouge walked in carrying a pizza box.

"Special delivery for our special guest," she teased. Hungry and annoyed, Raven ripped it out of her hands and tore the box open. Her heart sank as, once again, the stale bread stared back at her.

"Well? Eat up. Growing girls need their moldy fiber," she urged. Raven scowled for a moment, clenching her eyes as if to resist an invisible aggressor. With a strangled groan, she finally relented and grabbed the bread. Raven greedily devoured the crusty food in seconds, licking her fingers for any stray crumbs. She then looked up at Rouge, half glaring, half pained. She knew the symbolic victory she had just handed freely to her captor.

"So, the mighty Raven has her limits. This shall prove interesting," the Russian observed while rubbing her chin. She picked up the discarded pizza box and closed it. _"Ciao_," she added mockingly before closing the door. Behind her, Raven clenched her fists and ground her teeth, then looked at her stomach. It howled for more food, food she could not give. Moaning, Raven rolled onto her side and struggled to avoid the clawing in her midsection. She bit her lip in thought.

_"Is Rouge right?"_ she thought. _"Am I starting to crack up...?"

* * *

_

A few hours later found Raven curled up best she could in the small, cold room she was being held captive in, dozing. Her face was twisted in discomfort at the cobblestone floor upon which she laid. Her body shuffled periodically, trying in vain to find a warmer, more comfortable spot. At last, her lithe form fit more easily against the seams in the bricks below her. Raven felt herself falling deeper into sleep at last...

Searing pain suddenly tore her out of her brief respite, causing her to yelp and jerk to her feet. She saw her good friend Rouge standing there, holding a taser.

"You were oversleeping. Naughty naughty," she scolded.

"Overslept? I barely closed my eyes..." Raven grumbled. "And, I see you decided to go with the most humiliating spot to zap me with..." she added, fighting the urge to rub the site of the weapon's impact.

"Well, when you just leave your backside open like that, can you blame me?" she trilled through her Russian accent.

"I can blame you for being an utter creep," Raven snarked. Rouge frowned.

"You really shouldn't have said that, Raven," Rouge scolded. Before her captive could reply, the shapeshifter turned the taser to full power and jammed it against Raven's chest as if it were a knife. The teenager screamed in agony, forced against the wall. Rouge pinned her victim for several seconds before finally turning it off. Raven fell to the floor, holding her chest, groaning. The smell of slightly burned flesh and clothing was in the air.

"You see how easy it is? All you have to do is not give us any lip."

"I'm not your pet, Rouge..." Raven rasped, looking up at her. She tried unsuccessfully to hide the pain twisting her face.

"Oh, of course. Perhaps you need another session with your fears..." Rouge suggested. Raven gulped and moved back; she could only back away a foot. Rouge quickly shot her arms out and once again swallowed the teenager.

"Funny... I don't recall your having a choice in the matter..." Rouge replied, mockingly rubbing her chin in thought. "Now, what shall we look into today. Ah, I see... someone has some isolation issues? Let's examine that..."

As Raven twitched, Rouge held her tight, letting the chemical do its work...

* * *

Raven found herself floating amidst a large, open void. The only thing surrounding her was darkness. Her eyes darted, waiting for the surprise about to be sprung upon her.

"Okay, Rouge... what's it this time? I murder my friends? I get eaten by a hippo? I get a paper cut?" she drawled, more to herself than anything. Silence greeted her calls. Her brow furrowed.

"C'mon, speak up..." she grumbled, crossing her arms in annoyance. Still, nothing showed up. A touch of nervousness began to build in her body. This experience was getting a little unnerving for her...

"Do something!" she snapped with a note of anger that made her soul self flash briefly in fire. But still, there was nothing. She was alone.

...alone...

Raven gulped and gnawed on her lip slightly. This was starting to freak her out. If there was one thing she hated, it was the feeling of being alone, on her own. She rubbed her arms as if to warm herself against the cold of fear. It wasn't working.

"Attack me, you coward!" Raven cried, looking around. Still, nothing, not even the echo of her own voice. The girl felt the fear in her growing, tension building in her muscles, sweat seeping through her cloak. The only thing she could hear was her increasingly nervous breathing. The tension only continued to grow, and Raven found herself starting to slip into emotion.

"Do it!" she yelped, voice fearful. Finally, something happened; her hovering suddenly stopped, and she began to fall. But, there was no visible sense of falling, just her own body's feeling of plummeting in free fall through the thick, dark void. Finally stressed beyond her control, Raven screamed as she tumbled through the dark eternity around her...

* * *

Eternity ended hard and cold on a stone floor. A very unsettled Raven sat up, rubbing at her bruised arms.

"Nervous?" Rouge asked with a smirk.

"You don't scare me," Raven managed. But, even she knew it was a lie at this point; her breathing and pulse were dead giveaways.

"Ah, feeling the fear? I knew you could only last for so long," Rouge smiled. "But, you're still lying to me. You still insist on living in your delusions. No matter. You will break. And when you do... well, lets just say you'll be a shadow of your former self."

"You're lying," Raven answered, voice quivering.

"We'll see," Rouge simply answered. She frowned. "It seems you've been sweating. Very unpleasant. We'll wash you off at some point. Ta ta for now." With that, she gave a mock wave and locked her captive away. Behind her, Raven pulled herself into a sitting position, and hung her head over crossed arms on her knees with a groan.

* * *

Sleep was broken by a sensation on her forehead, causing her face to clench and her eyes to squeeze shut. Raven rubbed at the area without opening her eyes and tried to relax once more. No sooner had her arm gone back done then the sensation happened again. And again. And again. Raven brought her hand to her forehead once more; water greeted her finger tips. She opened her eyes, and her eyes blurred from the falling water droplets above. She grumbled, and squirmed into a different position. After a moment, water again began to fall on her forehead. Now a touch uneasy, Raven laid down on her stomach. Her face was greeted by a squirt of water. This made her snap awake for good and sit up. Accounting for her once again, short jets hit her rhythmically in the face.

"Stop it..." Raven asked the air around her, looking around in worry. At that, the jet stopped. The girl was just relaxing when streams of water shot from all six sides of her prison save the door itself. It rapidly began to fill the small room. Within a minute, she was up to her knees. Panic starting to gnaw at her, she grabbed the door handle; it was locked. Raven yanked, but nothing happened. Now up to her waist, Raven threw her elbow against the heavy metal slab. Her petite form bounced off, and she was thrown underwater. She came back up and started pounding on the door.

"Let me out! Let me out!" she cried. With the room more than half full of water, all pretenses of hiding her emotions were gone. But, no one came, and there was no stop to the flooding. Blind animalistic instinct began to over take her, and she thrashed, looking for escape. There was none to be found. Her head bumped against the ceiling. Raven cried out in pain and fear, water churning around her. The teenager took a last frantic gasp of air before the last of it was displaced by the invading liquid. Now underwater, cheeks puffed in holding breath, Raven pounded again and again on the door, feeling weaker with every punch. Her lungs began to burn for air she could not give them, and her mouth strained to open for breath. Just as Raven thought she was starting to black out, the water level began to drop. The girl shot herself to the surface and took deep, greedy breaths of air as the water drained away. Exhausted and drained, Raven lay in a puddle on the floor, coughing and panting. The door swung open, revealing her sadistic warden.

"There, don't you feel much better?" the Russian grinned.

"Go to hell," Raven managed, starting to shiver from the cold water.

"Hmph. I guess you don't need a towel, or food for that matter."

"I haven't had that or water in days..." Raven replied with chattering teeth.

"Well, the food will have to wait. But, look around you, Raven," Rouge answered. "Water, water everywhere. Goodnight, dear," she added as she left. Behind the door, Raven shivered, hugging herself in a vain attempt to warm up. She looked down at the water around her; her throat strained for the beckoning liquid, but her brain and pride refused to oblige. Finally, her parched mouth won over, and she sipped greedily at the pools around her, trying to ignore the taste of dirt and other matter mixed in. With that done, Raven curled up and hugged herself one more, teeth chattering, and settled in for yet another long night.

* * *

_What time was it?_

_Does time really exist in eternal darkness, without day or night?_

_How much more of this can a human being, demon hybrid or not, stand?_

Raven fixated herself on those questions, trying to occupy her brain. It had become harder and hard to do so. She had already counted the bricks, found and created designs in the walls, and tried drawing on them with a shard of loose stone she had recently found. It had crumbled in her hands. Only after all these failures did she decide to take a more philosophical view on her predicament.

_Why are they doing this to me?_

_Where's reason and logic?_

_Where's anything?_

_...Where are my friends when I need them most...?_

"Raven!" a voice suddenly called. The girl jumped out of the corner.

"Robin!" she cried back, looking around. She found nothing.

"Up here, friend!" another voice added.

"Starfire? Where are you? I can't see you two!" Raven snapped.

"We're right here!"

The gray teenager whipped her head up to see Robin and Starfire looking down at her from above, apparently having somehow broken through the ceiling above.

"You don't know how happy I am to see you..." Raven breathed in sincere belief. "You have no idea what they've been doing to me!"

"I can only imagine, the scum..." Robin growled. "They have you being emotional and erratic..."

"If you were feeling what I was, you would be too," she promised him. "Now, please, get me out of here!"

"Of course! Grab on, friend!" Starfire trilled, lowering her arms. Raven jumped, but missed.

"I can't reach you!" she croaked.

"Try again!" Robin demanded, lowering his own. Again, Raven tried, but they were always just out of reach. She tried again and again, always missing. She started to moan in frustration.

"You can't even jump?" Robin asked, dumbfounded.

"You are, how they say, nothing without powers?" Starfire asked.

"They have me in this stupid collar," Raven spat, pointing at it. "And if I touch the thing, it gives me a shock."

"Well, I guess it took your strength too, because you're just being weak," Robin sniffed. "I mean, you can't even jump!"  
"Why are you treating me like this?" Raven asked, hurt.

"It is to laugh, friend!" Starfire smiled, starting to laugh. Soon, Robin joined in, and the two started mocking their friend below.

"Stop it!" Raven cried. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

"Stop what, Raven?" a Russian voice asked. Raven shook her head; she found herself glaring angrily at empty ceiling above, without so much as a crack, let alone a hole with her teammates looking down from it.

"But I... but they... but..."

"Hallucinating? My my, sounds like someone's stressed out..."

"I... I was hallucinating," Raven managed, shaken.

"Here, let me help," Rouge scoffed. Raven screamed as the angry taser again tore through her body, and she tumbled to the ground. She clutched at the impact side, groaning.

"Well, aren't you going to say something? Snark at me? Deny your fear? Anything at all?" Raven just lay there, hissing, as if to wish the pain away. "This isn't very much fun..." Rouge sniffed. "I'm going to leave if you're going to be this talkative." No words, at least coherent ones, greeted her ears. Without a word, Rouge smirked and drew the door closed. The look in her eyes was one of a hunter knowing its prey needed but one more shot to be taken down. It was also a look that promised that she would make sure she bagged the prey she desired.

* * *

More time, unknowable time, ticked away in the dark eternity. Her mere existence in the small room was starting to grate at her fraying nerves. Raven paced back and forth excitedly, tense and shaken about her future.

"I have to get out of here," she told herself. "I have to. I must. Yes, I must. I must!" she demanded. Raven found herself talking away to herself more and more lately; whether it was a sign of or defense against insanity, she didn't know. She did know that if she didn't escape, and soon, she would undergo a humiliating and devastating transformation into a hollow shell of person...

"I must get out of here. I have to! I ha--"

Raven's self-demanding was interrupted by a sudden explosion that caused the room to shake. She braced herself against the wall as the they trembled. Somewhere down the hall to her right, voices and attacks sounded. Her ears perked on some of the voices and weapon noises.

"It's them... it's the Titans!" Raven squealed happily as she ran to the door, expecting absolution from her nightmare. The door creaked, and opened to reveal a slightly battered Beast Boy.

"Rae! You're all right!" the smaller boy cried as he embraced her.

"'All right' is hardly how I'd describe myself," Raven replied. "Let's... just go. And quickly."

"Sure thing! C'mon, this way!" he urged, tugging her arm. Eager and dazed from the turn of fortune, Raven followed him. She turned her head to see the reflection of explosions, the echoes of cries from friend and foe. She slowed to a stop.

"We have to help the others..." Raven insisted.

"Why? They're holding the Brotherhood creeps back."

"You came to save me, I have to return the favor," the girl replied, starting to run down the hall. Beast Boy held her fast.

"Raven, c'mon!" he urged. Raven hemmed, and sighed.

"All right, all right..." she huffed. "But, we're going back after we find the way out, all right?"

"You got it. Now let's go..." he urged. The two ran through a network of tunnels and passageways until, finally, a door leading to the outside of the facility stood before them. To Raven, it was the most beautiful door she'd ever seen.

"See? Toldja we'd make it," the boy grinned.

"We did, didn't we," Raven nodded. She paused, and embraced Beast Boy tight. "Thank you, Garfield."

"Oh, no need to thank me..." he replied.

"You're right," Raven said, shaking her head, "we have to go back."

"That's just it. We're going back, and you're not going to be thanking me," Beast Boy snarked in a female, Russian-accented voice. Raven's eyes snapped open, and she slowly turned towards her friend. The small green boy quivered, and morphed into a smirking Madame Rouge. Raven jumped back, hitting against a wall.

"What is it they say," she mocked as several armed gunmen stood in front of the door, "'so close and yet so far?' I have to admit, our audio and video records of your little fights with us proved most valuable for simulating a raid on our facility." Raven stared at her blankly, jaw slightly agape, struggling to process what had just happened. Then, something happened. Something she'd never done, or thought she could do. Her eyes began to blur with water, and soon tears were trickling down her cheeks as she sank into a clumsy sitting position. She buried her face in her hands.

"Stop..." she managed between soft sobs.

"Stop what, darling," Rouge mocked.

"Just stop it. I'm begging you. I can't take it anymore..." Raven pleaded, face still in her hands. "I just can't take it..." Rouge stood over the weeping teenager with a triumphant grin.

"How the mighty have fallen," she clucked with her tongue. "The all mighty Raven crying like a little baby? How pretentious. Now, come come... dry your tears and give your Auntie Rouge a big hug." Raven jerked her head up, bloodshot eyes wide in terror. She backed away as best as she could.

"No... not that... not that!"

"Yes, dear. That," she replied as her arms shot forth and ensnared the crying Titan. "Now, as I believe you wanted, we're going back." The shapeshifter absorbed her once more, and Raven again found herself swallowed up in cold darkness.

* * *

Raven had changed since the breakdown.

The once proud girl was now huddled in the corner, her filthy clothes glued to her with cold sweat and grime. Her hair, leaking out from her hood, was dull and grimy. Raven's right eye was starting to twitch, and she was rocking from side to side, murmuring incoherently about her past and dismal future. She rambled about everything from defeating her father to her friendships to coming to Earth to her mother.

Mother...

Raven sighed as if thinking of her most cherished dream. If there was anyone who she wanted to see at this point in her life, it would be her mother. Even after Trigon had forced his will on her, Arella had still cared for her girl. Raven sighed enviously of her nascent self; perhaps it was disturbing thinking, but she wouldn't mind being back in her mother's womb right now.

_"I was safe there,"_ she thought to herself as her eye twitched again. _"She'd keep me safe. She wouldn't let me get hurt like I have been now. She'd keep me warm, and love me. Love, warm, safe... I don't know if those words will have any meaning for me anymore."_

"Raven," a silken voice called softly. The girl looked up nervously, thinking she was going to be stabbed with a taser, or smothered by Rouge, or any other of the other torments they had devised for her. Or maybe the lack of food and water was causing her to hallucinate. Her eyes squinted through the darkness, and widened.

"...Mother?"

"Hello, Raven," Arella nodded. The girl looked away. "What is it, child? Why aren't you looking at me?"

"You're a lie. Just like everything else they do. You're a mirage, or smoke and mirrors, or some other terrible thing. I don't want to hurt anymore..."

"I know, sweetie," Arella answered as she gently approached and laid a hand on her shoulder. Raven flinched away with a yelp. "What must I do to make you believe me, Raven?"

"I don't know... I don't think I can believe or trust anything or anyone again."

"Oh, Raven, don't talk like that!" Arella urged, kneeling before her. "It really is me, can't you see that?" Raven cautiously turned and studied the woman before her. She did have her mother's piercing eyes, her solemn face, white skin, even the comforting aura and aroma she remembered from childhood. Raven gulped, and cautiously shuffled closer to her.

"...Mommy?" the breaking girl managed. Arella nodded and opened her arms. Wasting no time, Raven dove into the embrace and curled up in her lap, sobbing as she clutched the woman like a prized teddy.

"Ease yourself, Raven... Mommy's here now," Arella replied gently as she hugged her close. Raven smiled, the first smile she'd had in... she didn't know anymore. For all she knew, she was now twenty-three years old; she felt even older. But, at least her mother was here... perhaps Azarath had seen her misery, and sent the woman to take her to a better place.

"Why did you come, Mother? To take me back to Azarath?" she asked with pleading in her voice.

"I'm... afraid not dear," the woman replied. With that, Raven felt the warm, loving embrace become cold and hateful, causing her to squirm in discomfort. She looked up to see her tormentor once again, smiling cruelly at her.

"'Mommy's' visiting hours are over," she sniffed in Russian brogue. Raven stared at her, jaw dropped. She mouthed 'not Mommy too' before she slumped in defeat and weeped. The woman shoved the sobbing girl out of her lap and left, leaving her prisoner on the cold, lonely floor.

* * *

The Brotherhood had done its work.

Raven was an all but completely broken person. Wild eyed in terror, hallucinating from lack of food and water, on edge from a lack of sleep, she lay in tight fetal ball, whimpering. Her growling stomach and dry mouth were starting to feel normal. Sleep was all but a memory for her now. On the rare occasions she could fall asleep, a grunt or some loud noise would awaken her. Just recently, they had played car alarms to the point that Raven felt her last threads of sanity were snapping. Now, the once proud teenager lay in a tangled heap of limbs and torn, foul fabric, dreading even the creaking of the walls around her. Sometimes, the door would be opened and shut; she hated that most of all, not knowing if they were really about to come in to... Raven heard the door open again, and she jerked her head up with a yelp. Two burly grunts entered the room.

"The Brain thinks you're making too much of a racket, kid," one man said as he charged up a taser. Raven shook her head frantically.

"Please... Don't hurt me..." she managed before she was stabbed by the device. She fell back against the wall, sobbing.

"Shut up," the other man grumbled, slapping her across the face. Raven cowered even further, trying to crawl into nothingness through the corner.

"He said 'shut up!'" the first man snapped, kicking her in the chest. Raven crumpled onto her side, coughing and gurgling in agony before seeing the two bringing their hands back for another attack. She promptly silenced.

"Good girl," one mocked. "Here, have a treat," he added, tossing her a dog biscuit. Raven pounced on it as if it were a Thanksgiving turkey, practically inhaling it. By the time she realized what had happened, the men had left.

_"They actually have me acting like a pet..."_ the shrinking rational part of her mind managed.

* * *

"I tire of our games."

Rouge walked into the room, finding a stiff pile of tattered and grimy blue clothing in the corner. She tugged at it, finding the terrified occupant. The girl whimpered, looking away.

"A shame," she continued. "When we first met, you were so proud, so smug, so articulate, so... human. Now, you're nothing more than an animal, aren't you?" Raven merely whimpered, causing the shapeshifter to frown. "You can't even speak, can you? All you do is whimper and cry now. I find it most irritating," she yawned. Still managing to comprehend what she was saying, Raven sobbed softly at realizing she was right. She looked on as Rouge pulled something out of her pocket.

"Before we get rid of you," Rouge continued, "I felt we should just make it official." With that, she clipped a collar around the battered teen's neck and tugged on it with a leash. "Come on, girl. Let's go." Raven quietly half followed, half let herself be dragged; she'd long since given up benchmarks for humiliation.

"So this is what. Has become of the. Mighty Raven."

"_Oui, _Brain," Mallah replied.

"How very. Tragic for you. Ms. Roth. It appears you aren't. The same girl you. Used to be." Raven looked away, hurt and ashamed.

"And to think, even Alexander and Hannibal wouldn't have stood a chance against her," Immortius observed. "A pity."

"Yes, yes, this has been very exciting, but I believe it's time to dispose of our friend once and for all..." Rouge replied as she picked up a garbage bag.

"_Oui_, time to take out the trash," the ape replied. Raven had conflicting emotions as the plastic darkness enshrouded her. On one hand, she felt in her bones that this was going to be the end. On the other, it would mean that her suffering would finally come to a long needed end.

* * *

She was still alive...

Tearing herself free of the bag, Raven found herself exposed to fresh air, the smell of the ocean, the squawking of seagulls. She turned numbly to see what she never thought she'd see again.

"The Tower..." she breathed. Relieved, Raven began to stumble up the path. This felt too good to be true, but it certainly didn't feel like the hell she'd found herself locked away in all this time. And the collars she was wearing were gone. As she neared the Tower, she squared her shoulders and molded her face... she intended to make even the greatest actress a hack.

* * *

_**...The Present...

* * *

**_

"...and then, I was here," Raven managed with a choked sob.

"Oh, wow, Rae. I... I... I dunno what to say," Beast Boy replied.

"There is nothing to say," the girl managed softly. Beast Boy hugged her again comfortingly, not knowing what else to do. Raven blushed slightly.

"Thanks, Beast Boy..." she said.

"Hey, it's what I do. That and play 'loud, obnoxious comic relief.'" Raven laughed softly before trailing off, her face hardening in fear and anger.

"...you're not Beast Boy," she rasped.

"What are you talking about, Rae? 'Course I'm me!"

"No, you were funny. Beast Boy isn't funny," Raven growled. The boy smirked and crossed his arms.

"So, the girl learns at last," Rouge's voice purred.

"Now what, have you taken over the Tower just for me?" Raven moaned.

"No, we've been tapping into your pointed little head," Rouge said, still in Beast Boy's form as she poked Raven's head. The girl looked up, angrier.

"...what did you just say?" she managed.

"Well, that second collar wasn't just for show, dear. Right now, that leash has you hooked up to some of our equipment. The whole reason we captured and tortured you was to scare you to the point we could use your energy to power our newest black hole creator. I have to admit though, it was a lot of fun to torment you."

"...you're in my mind?" Raven repeated.

"Yes, you foolish girl!" Rouge grinned. Raven clenched her hands in rage. The Brotherhood had tortured her, humiliated her, beaten her, broken her, even come within a hair of stealing her humanity... but now they were invading her last bastion of normality. She stood up.

"You're in my mind. You're accessing my memories, my thoughts, my essence," Raven repeated. Her hands shot out, grabbing Rouge's neck. The shapeshifter froze with fear.

"What in..." she managed.

"You've gone too far. If you hadn't done that, I'd still be your whimpering little battery. But now, you've defiled the one thing that truly makes me me. And I will NOT let you destroy it." As Raven spoke, cracks formed in the world around her, and she felt something around her neck begin to shudder, breaking apart.

"I'm waking up from your smoke and shadows nightmare. NOW." As she spoke, the world exploded, and she found herself in the lab, holding Rouge by the throat. Raven ripped the deactivated collars from her body and hurled the woman across the room before sprinting the best she could for what appeared to be the exit.

"Stop her you! Fools she is! Escaping!" The Brain commanded. The goons rushed to surround the fleeing Titan. She whipped her head around.

_**"AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"**_ she screamed at the top of her lungs. It was as if a bomb had gone off. A massive concussive wave swept away from the teenager, throwing the henchmen and their bosses to the floor. Machines shorted out and exploded, and the vaunted black hole creator collapsed in flames. Raven shot the incoming troops a deadly, freezing 'you want to try it to?' look before continuing to run down the hall and towards the exit. She phased through it and ran across the weed-choked field surrounding her.

As she ran, Raven slowed down, feeling the tall grass rub against her, dew seeping through her cloak. A light rain was falling. She finally stopped and looked around, as if she were a newborn deer. A smile formed on the abused teenager's face, and she began to giggle softly before sinking to her knees. Raven closed her eyes and spread her arms out as it grew into joyous laughter, letting the rain fall on her face. It felt real. It WAS real. She knew it.

She was finally free.

"...free... I'm free..." she managed, as she kneeled, laughing in overwhelming, thankfully joy. After a few moments, she got back to her feet and took flight in the direction she believed Jump City was in. Raven closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of air caressing her dirty face. The girl felt the imperative to get back to the Tower fade away, and she let herself glide and float carelessly through the sky. She'd never realized how wonderful it was to fly. After several moments of free floating, her wounds and hunger brought her back to reality, and she flew for home.

* * *

Finally, Jump City at last.

Raven gracefully touched down upon the top of Titans Tower and walked through the roof entrance. As she descended the stairs, she heard voices calling "trouble" and "rooftop" before four sets of feet came racing towards her position. They stopped abruptly once they reached the landing.

"...Raven?" Robin asked, agape. The gray teenager, trying to hide the fact she was holding the rail to support her more than physically, smiled weakly.

"That's... what they tell me."

"Where've you been, friend?" Starfire asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Raven replied, hobbling past them. Finally reaching the living room, she sank thankfully into the long, curved couch.

"Well, you could try us..." Beast Boy shrugged.

"Not... really," Raven replied. "It's been a long, long week." The Titans blinked, and looked away shyly. "What?"

"Raven," Cyborg managed, "you've been gone for two months." Raven blinked, her eye twitching slightly again.

"...co ...could you say that a-again?" she sputtered.

"It's been two months since you were kidnapped," Robin added while resting a hand on Raven's shoulder. The girl jerked herself away, causing the boy to wonder what was wrong.

"No, it couldn't have been two months. That's impossible. That's..." She trailed off as she saw a mirror. She grabbed it, and stared at the haggard face looking back, with bloodshot eyes, sagging skin, overgrown grimy hair, and scars with a hood so faded and filthy, it barely looked blue anymore. "Two months...?" she muttered.

"Uh, yeah, that's what we said," Beast Boy shrugged. "And, uh, no offense Rae, but could you stand in front of a window or something?" Robin quickly elbowed him the side, causing him to yelp.

"Look," Raven managed as she stumbled to her feet. "All I want right now is a long shower, a big meal, and a long nap... In that order." She started hobbling, then thought better of it and began to float for the bathroom.

"Uh, what do you want, Rae, I'll cook it for ya," Cyborg called. Raven paused in the air and thought.

"Pancakes. With syrup. And a cheese and sausage omelet. And oatmeal with brown sugar. Put some strawberries on. And some toast. And bacon. And a cantaloupe. And wash it all down with a big glass of orange juice." Silence greeted her request.

"You want... all that."

"Please, Cyborg, I'm really hungry and I really don't want to argue..." Raven mumbled as she floated out of the room.

"Okay, uh, I'll get started..." Cyborg mumbled, putting on his chef's hat.

"Dude, I didn't know Raven could eat FOOD, let alone that much."

"Just leave her be, Beast Boy," Robin sighed.

* * *

Raven stared at her body as she removed the remains of her leotard. She could still see the taser burns, the bruises from beatings, the raw spots from lying on cold uneven stone for so long. She shook her head and climbed into the shower, turning it on. She stood under the shower head, letting the water fall on her.

_"They know something happened to you, Rachel_," her mind chided. _"They're going to keep asking you about it."_

"Yeah, well, I won't tell them," she responded aloud.

_"That'll work. Even you can't keep what happened locked up forever."_

"I can try!"

_"Good luck with that."_

Raven growled and resumed her shower. Only after an hour had passed did she actually start to scrub her battered body. She half expected someone to come in and complain about the water bill, but no one did so. Fine with her. As she turned off the shower, Raven reflected on how she'd thought hours ago she'd never be clean again. She shook her unstuck hair and wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her room for new clothes. The feeling of clean, whole clothing against her was soothing. As she turned to leave, Raven thought she saw something in the mirror, but dismissed it and left.

* * *

"...well...?"

Raven didn't so much as acknowledge Starfire with a glance as she took another spoonful of oatmeal. The other Titans had been gathered around the table for the past half hour as Raven quietly ate the spread before her. For someone who looked half starved, she was eating as if nothing had happened.

"Rae, talk to us, c'mon," Cyborg urged. The girl only took another sip of juice, then attacked the pancakes.

"Raven... what did the Brotherhood do," Robin insisted. "I don't care if they got a communicator or something, I want... WE want... to know what they did to you." His friend just stared blankly at the pancakes, continuing to eat. He sighed, and sat back, feeling this was a waste of time. Finally, Raven took the last scoop of cantaloupe, and sat back, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"Thank you very much, Cyborg," she said calmly. "That was delicious."

"Dude, how did you pack so much away!" Beast Boy gaped.

"I'm like that," Raven replied curtly as she got up from the table. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take that nap. I'll wake up when I'm ready." With that, she flew off. The other Titans looked at each other.

"They did somethin' to her, I can sense it," Cyborg insisted.

"Yeah, but, if she won't talk about it..." Beast Boy shrugged.

"Friends... is Raven... okay?" Starfire asked.

"I... don't know," Robin sighed.

* * *

Raven glided into her room, looking longingly at her bed. As she drifted for it, she happened to glance at the mirror. Staring back was her, clothes in tatters, face streaked with dirt and tears, exposed skin sore and bloody, pained eyes glazed and emotionless. The teenager landed in front of it, glaring. The reflection did not change.

"I can live with it," she told both herself as the mirror. "I can live it. I can... live... with..." Dry sobs choked her voice, and the words refused to come. She tried harder, but nothing came. In the lonely darkness of her room, Raven slowly sank to her knees, buried her face in her hands, and began to weep.


	2. Clearing the Air

_"I'm in a bed... I'm home... I'm fed... and I can't feel it."_

Raven lay in her bed, sheets clutched tightly as she stared up at her blank ceiling. It had been about three weeks since her escape from the nightmarish hell the Brotherhood had subjected her to. For two long months, they beat, tormented, starved, and tortured her almost to the point of no return. Sometimes, Raven wondered if they had actually pushed her beyond it. She had tried to suppress the anger, the humiliation, the pain from herself as much as her teammates... but it wasn't working. They knew something had happened to her.

And so, deep down, did she.

_"I'm stronger than this. I defeated Trigon. A little abuse will not--"_

The door creaked open. Raven sat up with a jerk.

"Who's there?" Raven called, trembling. No response. Unease grew in her body, and she fidgeted slightly.

"Who's there!" she repeated, more worried than angry. After a moment, a shape appeared in the gloom. The teenager squinted in an attempt to identify the invader. The silhouette solidified, and reconstituted into Madame Rouge.

"...no..." Raven whimpered.

Without a word, the Russian slowly stalked towards her. Raven's brain screamed for her to move, to attack, to do anything, but fear paralyzed every fiber of her body. Rouge's arms snagged around her, and hurled her headfirst into the waiting darkness of the shapeshifter's body...

* * *

Screaming, Raven awoke, gasping, soaked in sweat. Panting, she looked around; her room was still, secure, peaceful. Just a nightmare... the latest of Azar knows how many she'd been having. Squirming in drenched bed clothes and sheets, Raven struggled to find a drier part of her bed when a knock came at her door.

"Raven!" a voice cried. "What is it?" The girl hesitated.

"Nothing, Robin. It's nothing." A groan came from the door.

"Raven, this is the fourth time tonight! Seventeenth in the past three days! Something is wrong! Stop lying and talk to us!"

"No! Nothing is wrong!"

"Please, friend! Why do you not tell us of these mares of the night?" a second voice squeaked in concern.

"Go away..." Raven croaked, holding a pillow over her head.

"Rae, this is freakin' me out..." a heavy set voice added.

"Leave me alone..." the teenager moaned.

"Dude, have you had anything to eat or drink?" the final voice asked.

"Yes, I'm fine! Now, go away!" Raven snapped.

"No, you're not Raven," Robin replied. "You're being emotional and defensive. Talk to us. We're your friends."

"You sure showed me that..." she said to herself softly.

"What was that?" Cyborg asked.

"Nothing. Good night." There was an uncomfortable beat, then a muffled chorus of groans and mutterings that died away into the night. Grumbling, Raven turned over and managed to slip back into uneasy sleep.

* * *

"This should make them stop asking questions."

Raven fluffed her cloak and straightened her hood, watching her reflection echo her actions. The Titans had been pestering her about staying in her room for days; maybe if she came out of her own free will, they'd be satisfied. Nodding at her appearance, she opened her door and flew down the hall, touching down at the lip of the main room. The quartet of heroes was at the table, talking over the end of breakfast.

"Uh, hey. What's up," Raven called. The four looked up eagerly, then gaped in terror at what they saw. "What?" Raven asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Have you LOOKED at yourself recently?" Cyborg sputtered.

"Uh... why?"

"You've always been kinda skinny, but... damn," the boy responded.

"So I lost a little weight..." Raven shrugged.

"A little?" Robin asked skeptically.

"I haven't been hungry," she sniffed defensively. Her stomach chose that moment to sound out its disagreement, and she fought the urge to punch it.

"Raven, you're a mess," Beast Boy blurted.

"I don't need to take this!" Raven snapped back, causing the room to tremble. "You've been nagging at me to come out of my room, I finally do, and now all you're doing is nagging me that I'm out! Make up your mi--" Her rant was cut off by the Trouble Alarm. Robin wiped his mouth with a napkin as he got up then dashed to it.

"Control Freak's raiding a store downtown," he called out. "Let's go, team!" He frowned as Raven started to follow.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, stopping her gently.

"Yes, yes, don't touch me!" Raven replied, jerking away from his contact. The leader frowned, seeing a glaze of fear at being touched.

"Raven, I'm asking you as your friend... are you sure."

"Friend..." Raven muttered, as if the word was alien to her. "Yes, I am, now get out of my way!" Sighing, Robin stepped aside, and followed after.

* * *

"What ho, Titans? Back so soon for your arch nemesis?"

"Where do you GET this stuff!" Cyborg groaned, blasting at the portly villain. He stepped out of the way, smirking.

"Nice try, Cyborg," he sniffed. "But, as you can see, I have enhanced my jumpsuit to better assess and respond to your attacks."

"Don't be too sure, Control Freak," Robin warned as he dove in, staff at the ready. The geek raised an arm, and the boy collided with it with a startled grunt.

"Robin!" Starfire squeaked, diving after him. Her back turned to their attacker, the alien never saw the blast to the back knocking her out cold. Content with the carnage he had wrought, Control Freak turned at the sound of something gliding to a stop above him. He smiled wryly.

"Well, well. The mistress of magic herself."

"...magic," Raven snarked. "Yes, I'm here to yank handkerchiefs out of my cloak and pull a... rabbit out of my hood," she continued as she brought her hands to bare. The geek smirked, and hit a button on his remote control. The teenager whirled to see tendrils of video tape sneaking out from various appliances. She froze.

"No..." she whimpered, looking around as if she were a trapped animal. She wrapped her arms around her face as if to shield it.

"Raven, get out of the way!" Beast Boy cried. But the girl was frozen.

"Don't hurt me!" Raven cried as they finally snagged her. A strangled cry of terror came from her throat as they wrapped around her. Seeing his chance, Control Freak ran past the spasming girl with a grin of victory.

"Ta ta, Titans!" he cried over his shoulder.

"Raven, stop him!" Robin cried as he struggled to his feet. But all Raven did was cower in fear of her restraints. By the time the Titan had gotten up, his quarry was gone. Anger twisted his face as he whipped out a knife from his belt and cut the tape holding Raven fast; the glare grew when it became obvious she could have broken free with moderate effort. Raven crashed to the floor in a heap, looking up at Robin's face.

"You and I are having a talk when we get back to the Tower," he assured her, a finger in her face.

"Whatever," Raven rasped as she got up.

"That attitude is part of the reason..." Robin admonished.

"Good for me," she replied. Robin growled in exasperation.

"Let's go back, Titans."

* * *

"Raven, this is completely unacceptable. I've been trying to keep my distance about whatever happened to you, but you're becoming a major problem. You're sulking, your attitude is out of control, you aren't working with us, and this is the third time you've frozen in a fight! And you ask why I keep trying to talk you out of going..."

"Good for me," Raven snapped. Robin snarled.

"All right, that's it! Until you get that attitude fixed, Raven, you are OFF THE TEAM!" Raven's soul self flared.

"FINE!" Raven shot back, causing light bulbs to shatter. "I don't want to be on the team anymore! Why should I? You left me for dead when I needed you!"

"...excuse me?" Robin blinked in confusion than anger.

"You heard me! You let me down!"

"Raven, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not going to bother telling you. I'm done. I'm gone. Goodbye," Raven spat, throwing her hood over her head before storming out of the room. A door slam issued a minute or so later.

"Someone needs to follow her," Cyborg suggested.

"Agreed. Beast Boy, trail her," Robin ordered.

"Why me?" the boy squeaked.

"Please, friend, find Raven and bring her home safe," Starfire urged, hugging the boy tight. After a moment, he nodded and ran out of the Tower. A quick scan of the darkening Jump City skies showed a blue blur flying towards the city. Smiling slightly, he turned into a hummingbird and trailed after.

_"I wonder where she's going..."_ he thought to himself as she dove out of sight. He sighed at seeing it was downtown; this could take a while...

* * *

"Welcome to Uncle Todd's Family Ice Cream, can I help you?"

"What can this get me," Raven said curtly, slapping a twenty on the counter.

"Anything from a two scoop cone to a Mount Freezy."

"What's a Mount Freezy?" she asked.

"An fourty scoop masterpiece covered in whipped cream, jimmies, nuts, and chocolate syrup with cones and cherries for peaks."

"I'll take it," Raven replied. The clerk blinked.

"Um, ma'am, that's more for parties than one person..."

"I said I'll take it..." Raven growled, eyes slightly white. Unnerved, the clerk stepped off to place the order. Grumbling, Raven rested her head in her hand and drummed her fingers with the other. About twenty minutes later, the door swung open.

"Uh, hey Rae..." a voice called. Raven's eyes clenched.

"...Beast Boy..." she rasped.

"Uh, why'd you run off?" he asked, sitting next to her.

"Why would you care?" Raven spat.

"...'Cause I'm worried about you?" the boy shrugged.

"Oh, I'm sure you are..." she scoffed. As she spoke, the clerk uneasily put a massive pile of ice cream before her. Raven mumbled a thank you and began shoveling it into her mouth numbly. Beast Boy blinked as tears began to well in her eyes.

"Are you okay, Raven?" he asked cautiously. The girl didn't respond expect to speed up the rate of spooning the frozen food down. The tears finally began to flow gently, leaving craters in the ice cream. Raven growled in denial of her welling emotions before giving a strangled cry and hanging her head, weeping.

"Raven, what's wrong?" the boy pleaded.

"Leave me," the miserable wretch muttered between sobs.

"No way," Beast Boy replied.

"Leave me to rot..." Raven added. Beast Boy gulped.

"Raven, talk to me..." he singsonged. "What happened?"

"What didn't..." she finally said while wiping at her eyes.

"Uh, what does that mean?"

"You weren't there. You weren't there!" she said, almost angrily.

"Calm down..." he offered, resting a hand on her shoulder. Raven squirmed away from it, as if she was fearful of being hit.

"Don't touch me!" she snapped.

"Raven..."

"Raven's dead!" the girl blurted, suddenly looking Beast Boy in the eyes.

"Uh, no she's not. I'm talking to her..."

"No, she's dead. The Raven you're talking about was murdered slowly in cold blood. I don't know her. Maybe I never really did. What you're seeing, talking to... is an empty shell. A shell waiting to collapse under its own weight..." she trailed, again returning to the ice cream. Beast Boy caught her arm. Seeing her eyes dull in terror, he let go, blushing.

"Rae... get help. Please. I'm worried. We all are."

"I'm beyond help."

"That's not true and you know it!" Beast Boy squeaked.

"You weren't there! I already told you! You weren't there..." she mumbled.

"Dude, you undid the end of the world. You can do anything!"

"Except saving one pathetic and broken little girl..." Raven replied. Beast Boy hemmed, then groaned.

"Okay! Fine! Stay here and hope! See if I care!"

"I already did see if you cared... you don't," Raven answered as she scooped at the ice cream again. Beast Boy huffed and stormed off; the door slammed shut behind him. He smacked his head.

"I really shouldn't have done that..." he mumbled. "I gotta get the others." With that, he turned into a bird and took flight to the Tower.

* * *

Hand trembling, Raven dropped her spoon into an empty bowl.

"...done..." she managed, burping slightly. The clerk blinked.

"You actually ate the whole thing."

"Sure looks like it..." Raven replied, wavering slightly.

"How did you do that?" the stunned man asked.

"I'm an empty shell," the teenager answered. The clerk frowned.

"You don't look empty to me," he snarked. Raven looked down at a tightly stretched leotard splattered with Mount Freezy ingredients.

"Oh, right," Raven nodded, starting to clutch her painfully distended belly. "Why did I do that..." she moaned.

"How should I know. Just take it outside kid, I ain't cleanin' that up," the man warned, jabbing a finger towards the door. Raven mumbled something incoherent, then stumbled to the door, groaning.

"That was brilliant, Raven. Stunningly," she sputtered as she managed to get outside. As she wandered down the sidewalk, her ice cream fueled haze of agony was punctured by a familiar voice.

"Raven! There you are, friend... oh dear!" The girl numbly turned to see her teammates staring at her.

"Raven, what did you do to yourself...?" Robin asked, aghast.

"Go away," she mumbled, waving aimlessly at them. "Just go away."

"Not with you lookin' like that," Cyborg replied. He looked at Raven's swollen middle for a minute. "Mount Freezy on your own?"

"Yup," Beast Boy answered for her. Raven glared.

"I'm not a Titan anymore, so just leave me alone and..." The teenager trailed off as her face turned green. "Oh, Azar," she managed before stumbling down a nearby alleyway and outside.

"She is doing the up of throwing, yes?" Starfire asked. A cacophony of unpleasant noises issued forth.

"I'd take that as a yes," Cyborg sighed as the noises died away and something flowed out of the alley. The Titans ran into find Raven almost face down in an ocean of partially digested ice cream, gurgling.

"All right, Raven, you're coming back with us," Robin ordered as he gently reached for the girl's waist. She started swatting the air around her.

"Get away from me, get out of my way..." she sputtered lazily. But her former teammates ignored her, and Raven passed out as she was picked up and carried towards their car.

* * *

"How do you feel, Rae?"

"Like the T-ship crash landed on my head..." Raven grumbled, rubbing the aforementioned body part. She scowled weakly, looking around the assembled group in the infirmary. "I told you to leave me be."

"In a filthy alleyway in a lake of ice cream puke? Uh, no," Beast Boy sniffed. "We don't do that."

"You already left me in a filthy place to die, I thought you could just do it again... I guess I was wrong."

"Raven, why do you keep saying that?" Robin asked.

"Because you did!" Raven snapped back.

"Please, friend, I'm sure if you explained," Starfire begged, "we'd understand what is wrong." Raven stared at her blankly, then clutched the bedsheets tightly. Her teeth clenched, her eyes blazed, and her soul self flared, shaking the room.

"YOU CAN'T! YOU NEVER WILL! YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY DID TO ME! SO DON'T EVEN LIE!" she screamed, causing windows to shatter and cabinets to spill their contents.

"Maybe you could... try?" Cyborg shrugged.

"No. There's no point," Raven spat, flopping back down.

"Oh, for... Raven..." Beast Boy groaned.

"There's no point to me now. I'd be better off dead," the petite teen rasped. A shocked beat passed.

"...no. You did not say that. You did NOT just say that, Raven," Robin demanded, more scared than angry.

"They took it all from me. There's no more point."

"You can get it back! Just admit you need help..." Starfire pleaded.

"I'm beyond help. You can't watch me 24/7. Even if you can, I can find ways around it. That's how I destroyed the world, remember? And once your backs are turned, and you aren't watching... my suffering will end."

"I can't believe you're saying this, Rae..." Cyborg gaped.

"Of course you can't, you weren't there!"

"Raven, see someone... just get help!" Robin insisted.

"Why bother," the girl mumbled as she turned away from him and curled into a tight ball. "Why bother..." Face twisted in concern, Robin motioned the other Titans into a huddle.

"This is bad," Beast Boy breathed.

"No, really?" Cyborg snarked.

"We need to keep Raven under constant watch at all times. The way she's talking, I don't want her alone..." Robin said curtly.

"Agreed. I am quite worried about Raven..." Starfire nodded.

"Yeah. So, it's simple. We just keep an eye on her, and make sure she stays put and doesn't get away!" Beast Boy squeaked proudly. There was a pause.

"...Raven got away," Cyborg said. The others whipped their heads around to see an empty bed. Robin spat a string of curses under his breath.

"Fan out, Titans. And quick."

* * *

_"So, this is how it ends. With a bang AND a whimper."_

Raven looked numbly at the confiscated weapon she now held in her slender gray hand, feeling nothing. She didn't even feel the cool Jump City night air playing almost mockingly through her short violet tresses. She thought for a moment if this was really what she wanted to do to... but there didn't seem to be a voice forcefully telling her otherwise. That seemed to be her answer, then. Just one quick click from this smaller version of Chang's disintegrator, and her suffering would be over; her vaporous remains thrown to the ether. She didn't really see a downside; perhaps her friends were sincere in their concern for her, but they didn't save her from the nightmare. Raven brought her head up with a moderate breath; if they weren't going to wake her up, she would. She slowly brought the weapon to her chest and prepared to squeeze the trigger...

"...don't do it, Raven." The girl looked up to see the Titans standing outside of the stairway; the speaker was outstretching his green-gloved hand calmly.

"Just... put it down. Please," Beast Boy begged.

"No," Raven rasped.

"Please, friend... don't..." Starfire begged, tears streaming.

"You're just lying. You don't care about me."

"Where the hell did you get THAT!" Cyborg boggled.

"You left me to rot in the Brotherhood's clutches. You didn't save me. You left me for dead!" Raven croaked, blinking her eyes to clear the mist in them.

"Raven, we had everyone searching for you day and night!" Robin insisted. "We hadn't even called off the search yet."

"You're lying!" Raven said, more like a scared kid than a mature teenager.

"No, we're not. Now, put down the gun..." Cyborg added.

"It's the only way to stop it!" Raven shot back.

"Stop what!" Beast Boy cried. "You still haven't told us what!"

"Because you won't get it! They tore me apart! They practically raped me!" Raven yelled. "You just can't get it!"

"They've really ground you down..." Robin sighed sympathetically.

"Glad you noticed," Raven snarked angrily.

"Now, that's enough, Raven. We're your friends. We can help you. All you need to do... is trust us, okay?"

"Is that why you're reaching for that knockout gas, Robin?" the girl asked him with a glare. The boy's hand twitched, knowing he'd been caught. Raven scowled.

"You ask for my trust. You lost it. You ask for it again, and you're already recanting it," the teenager continued calmly. "This is what I want. I don't want help. It won't do anything. So, leave me alone. And if you don't," she added as her soul self blazed slightly, "I will make sure you do."

"You're going to hurt the people who care about you most for trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake?" Robin asked. "Raven... that's terrible." He watched the girl's pale gray face closely. She stared off at a point between the weapon and the Titans before looking up at them, as if she were but a scared little girl.

"...I just want it to stop..." she whispered to them.

"You want what to stop?" Beast Boy asked softly.

"The hurting. All I can feel is pain. I just want it to stop..." Raven continued as she dropped the weapon. "I just want it to stop!" she choked as she finally dropped to her knees and weeped. The small anthromorph quickly rushed up to her as Cyborg grabbed the gun.

"Then ask us?" the green boy shrugged. Raven looked up, eyes bloodshot and teary.

"Make it stop... please..." she managed before breaking down further. Beast Boy held her tight and rubbed her back as their teammates rushed over and joined in a group hug around the petite teenager.

"We'll do everything we can," Robin said. "I promise."

"Can I really trust you?" Raven begged.

"Of course, Rae," Cyborg nodded.

"Indeed, friend, indeed..." Starfire added.

"If you'll trust us..." Robin shrugged suggestively. Sighing, Raven nodded and motioned to be let go. The Titans gently let go and backed away as Raven cleared her throat in an effort to regain her composure.

"All right... I was hoping I'd never have to say this. It started just after I was kidnapped. Rouge dumped me in a small cell..."

* * *

"...and then, I found my way back to the Tower," Raven finished, sniffling and hanging her head. When she looked back up, she saw the others staring, aghast.

"Oh, X'hal," Starfire breathed.

"Raven... I'm sorry," Robin sputtered. "I wish I could say more, but..."

"What else can be said?" she shrugged. "Nothing I can think of."

"That is so unfair!" Beast Boy snapped.

"Tell me about it..." Raven mumbled, rubbing her arm.

"Well, we have to do somethin' about this..." Cyborg urged.

"But what? Traumatize someone back? That won't work," Robin insisted. "Besides, the important thing we need to do right now is getting Raven back on her feet."

"I... don't think it can be done," Raven replied, looking away as if she were guilty of a crime.

"Of course it can, Raven... it'll just take time," the lead Titan urged.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin," she sighed.

"Perhaps I can do something, friend," Starfire offered as she stood up. "On Tamaran, we have a ritual known as the _m'tua_. It allows us to link minds and share feelings... perhaps such a connection could help the healing?"

"I... I guess," Raven shrugged. "Do what you want."

"Then that is what I shall do," the small alien stated as she floated over to the sulking teenager. She took one of Raven's hands in her own and put the other to her friend's opposite temple. Her eyes closed in concentration, and she back to chatter away in her native tongue as her friends looked on.

"What is she doing?" Beast Boy asked.

"Chill, BB," Cyborg whispered. "She needs silence, I'm guessing." The sight continued until Starfire trailed off and fell silent. Her eyes darted under their lids, and she began to speak aloud in English.

"It's cold... lonely... darkness... Fear, much fear..." she said aloud. She suddenly contorted, as if she were being electrocuted. "They're beating her... tormenting her... she's in agony... so much agony... so--" Starfire suddenly took a deep breath as her eyes wrenched open and arched her back, as if realizing a horrible truth. She then collapsed to the cold cement below, curling up and shivering. Robin quickly separated the women's hands, and both seemed to awake. Raven frowned, hurt.

"Oh, great. I destroyed her," she sighed. "I'm a walking menace."

"Will you cut that out?" Beast Boy urged.

"I destroyed the entire world. I'm a threat to everyone," she shot back.

"Yeah, it looks real destroyed, huh?" Cyborg snarked, nodding towards the city in the distance. Before Raven could respond, Starfire sat up, groaning.

"You okay, Star?" Robin asked.

"I am fine, yes," she nodded while rubbing her head. "Raven, however, is not. There are very, very deep wounds in her soul. I doubt I can fix them."

"I told you I was beyond help..." Raven growled.

"No you aren't, Raven," Robin urged softly. "You just need to try harder. We don't know how to..."

"You're right. You don't," the gray teenager replied. "You have no idea what its like to be torn to shreds and smashed back together into something else..."

"Um, actually Raven... I beg to differ," Cyborg answered. "If you haven't noticed..." he continued, showing her his blaster cannon. "these aren't exactly for a fashion statement. And I didn't just lose limbs, organs, half of my head... I lost memories. I lost family. Most of all... I think I lost a lot of myself." Raven blushed and looked down.

"I'm a selfish pig," the teenager muttered.

"You are not," Cyborg replied.

"I am too. Look at me. I'm perfectly fine, and I'm acting like I'm the one who's suffered the most in life."

"From what you told us, 'fine' is hardly the word I'd use to describe you," the cybernetic boy insisted as he placed a heavy hand on her small shoulder. "It's okay, Rae."

"No, it's not. I need to stop sulking."

"I prefer to consider it 'getting help,'" Robin smiled. "Consider yourself more on medical than disciplinary leave. Take all the time you need."

"Thanks, but... I don't know how to start. I don't even know how to trust right now..." Raven sighed.

"It's okay. I only hope you can learn to do it again sometime," he responded with a smile and a pat on the shoulder. "Now, how can we get you started..."

"Maybe she should see someone. I know I've been seeing someone. I can give you her name right now," Cyborg replied, typing on his wrist.

"I... guess. But, I'm not exactly going to be able to disguise myself..."

"Just use your fake name... Rachel," Beast Boy smirked.

"Look who's talking... Garfield," Raven replied, the smallest smile on her lips. She sighed again, shoulders heaving slightly. "But, if you think it'll work..."

"It's worth a shot, Rae. That's all I can offer," Cyborg said. With that, he handed her a small slip of paper with a name and number on it. She read it, as if contemplating a deeper, hidden meaning. She looked up after a moment.

"All right. I'll do it."

* * *

_"Rachel... Roth."_

Dr. Georgia Keith scribbled the name of her newest patient on a fresh manila folder and prepared her notepad for the new arrival. Fresh out of the classroom, the young therapist had been finding modest success in her field. The teenager coming in today would be her twentieth patient. Perhaps she could do something when off work to mark the occasion. Bad taste, perhaps, but...

_"Georgia, your four o'clock is here."_

"Thanks, Greg. Send her in," Georgia replied, pressing the button on the speaker next to her phone. Clearing her throat, she straightened her dress and sat down in an armchair. After a moment, the door shyly opened. A girl peered in, with gray skin and short purple hair.

"Uh... hi," she said.

"Hello, Rachel. I'm Dr. Keith. Please... come in," she offered while pointing to a nearby couch. The girl hesitated.

"I don't bite," Georgia offered.

"Well... okay," Rachel said finally before stepping into the room. She was of very slim build, with jeans, a sweater, a wristwatch and sneakers, accented by a purple sweatband across her head. If Georgia didn't know any better, she'd have sworn it was hiding something more than catching sweat. Shrugging it off, she watched as the girl cautiously sat down on the couch.

"Good afternoon," the girl said simply. The woman smiled slyly.

"All business, I see," Georgia smiled. "So, tell me about yourself, Rachel?"

"Well... I guess I'm what you could call a sanitation worker," she shrugged.

"Sanitation? You're a little young..." Georgia frowned.

"Let's just say I keep the streets clean, Doctor," Rachel insisted.

"Very well," the older woman nodded as she scribbled in her notepad. Her patient frowned as she watched.

"This... doesn't leave the room, right?" Rachel asked.

"Of course not!" the therapist said, almost in offense. Her voice softened. "Is... this your first time at a therapist?"

"You could say that," the girl nodded.

"Not a problem, Rachel. Don't be afraid to tell me anything. Now, shall we begin?" the woman asked.

"Sure, why not," Rachel shrugged, sitting back.

"Very well," Georgia nodded. "Now, it says here you're seeing me about an upsetting experience recently?"

"'Upsetting' is putting it very mildly," she replied.

"Could you tell me about it?" Georgia asked.

"Well... I was abused, I guess you could say," Rachel replied, shifting nervously in her seat.

"'Abused?' Were you in a tough relationship?"

"No."

"Did you know these people?"

"Well... yes and no," the teenager replied after hemming for a moment.

"Could you explain that, please?" the therapist urged.

"Well, I know the people... the gang they belong to... but, I didn't know them like, say, family or friends."

"Family? What is your family like, Rachel? I ask since your info seems sketchy in that regard..."

"Well, doctor, my family... uh..."

"Yes?" the elder woman asked.

"My... mother was a cultist who was raped by my father, an other dimension demon bent on universal conquest. He got to Earth when I was turned into a vortex of energy, and he destroyed everything," Rachel said hurriedly. Georgia blinked.

"I... see..." she managed.

"But it got better," she added with a nod.

"Yes, right," the therapist nodded as she scribbled 'clear delusional fantasy' on her notepad. "So, it's not your family who was involved?"

"No."

"Your friends... what are they like?"

"Well.. they're also in the sanitation business. We're all in the sanitation business. All five of us," Rachel replied.

"Very well..." Georgia nodded. "Now, tell me Rachel... what was this event that made you seek me out?"

"Well, it was almost three months ago. I got caught by this... gang, I guess you could call them. They're like a cult," Rachel continued, leaning forward slightly to make her point slightly clearer. "They abducted me during a work session."

"Were your friends there?"

"Yes, but they all got jumped by gang members," Rachel nodded. "But, this really tall woman with a Russian accent, um," she stammered, reaching for words, "put me in some kinda sack and it made me claustrophobic. She dumped me out in this really small stone room somewhere. I still don't know where."

"And, how did this make you feel?" Georgia asked. Rachel boggled.

"What kind of question is that...?" she blinked. "It was terrible!"

"I imagine. Continue?"

"I suppose," she said warily. "Anyway, this... gang treated me very, very roughly. They didn't give me any food, or water, or sleep, and they, uh, made me watch... movies. About bad things."

"Movies... about bad things? What kind of things?" Georgia urged.

"About fear, worry, phobia..."

"So, what, _Psycho_? _Children of the Lambs_?"

"...sure..." Rachel replied with a shrug. "We'll go with that." The therapist looked up from her notes with a frown.

"Rachel, please. You need to take this seriously. I can't help you unless you help yourself and take our session seriously. Now, was it really movies like that?"

"I... guess," Rachel shrugged. "I really couldn't tell."

"Very well," Georgia nodded. "Continue?"

"Well... they started teasing me. Impersonating my friends, making me think I was about to escape, using me for dark purposes... it was terrible."

"How did you finally get away, Rachel?"

"I beat them up."

"You did?" Georgia asked, a touch surprised. "I don't mean any offense, but you don't seem to be built for fighting..."

"Yeah, well, I did. I beat them. And I ran home."

"Well, I'm relieved you managed to get away from them!"

"I would be too, if I had the chance..." Rachel said glumly. Georgia frowned, confused.

"Rachel, is there something else...?"

"It... just took a lot out of me," the younger woman shrugged.

"I would imagine," her therapist smiled supportingly. "Now, what can I do for you, Rachel? Why are you here?"

"Well... I want to forget about it and brush it off," the teenager said calmly. She squinted as Georgia hesitated. "What?"

"Rachel... that's, well, impossible, I'm afraid."

"What do you mean, 'impossible?'" Rachel scowled.

"What you experienced is what's known as 'trauma,' Rachel. It's never going to be 'brushed off' or 'forgotten.' This is going to be a part of your life forever. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted, but it's the truth. Now, I can help you deal with the memories, and get some counciling, but..." She trailed off as she watched her patient zone out and seem to grow lax. "Rachel?"

"You're saying I'm always going to be like this?" she asked numbly.

"Well, you can in time have a semblance of a normal life again, Rachel. But, you're never really going to be the person you were before. I'm afraid this will be with you for the rest of your life." Rachel stared blankly at her, then her fists closed and her teeth grit.

"You're lying," she rasped.

"Rachel, I have a doctorate in the field. I know what I'm talking about."

"You're lying!" she spat, more forcefully.

"If I was, I wouldn't have this as a job, Rachel. I'm sorry. Now, it's not the end of the world. You can indeed have a normal life so--"

"They robbed me," Rachel snapped, more to herself.

"Excuse me?" the therapist asked, confused.

"They robbed me! They took everything that mattered from me! My control, my center... everything!" Rachel cried, jumping to her feet in anger.

"Rachel, calm down, please..." Georgia urged.

"No! You're lying! I can forget this! I'm wasting my time here!" she spat as she whirled around and stormed for the door.

"Rachel, wait!" Georgia called before her patient stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She heaved a sigh, and scribbled some notes on the session. Hopefully, Rachel would realize the folly of her reaction and come back...

* * *

"So, Rae? How'd it go?"

"I'm fine."

"What do you mean, 'you're fine,' Raven?" Robin asked.

"I'm fine. She says there was nothing wrong with me, and I'm perfectly fine," Raven replied as she started removing the street clothes, revealing her usual leotard beneath jeans and sweater.

"That doesn't sound right..." Cyborg mused skeptically.

"Well, she said it. She said 'Rachel, you obviously have well meaning but overacting friends.' So, we're good. I can be on the team again."

"I don't know..." Robin mused with a suspicious tone.

"That's what she said!" Raven said, almost defensively.

"I dunno, Rae, you seem kinda agitate--"

"FOR THE LAST TIME! SHE SAID I'M PERFECTLY FINE! STOP ASKING ME THESE IDIOTIC QUESTIONS!" Raven snapped, rattling the building.

"...perfectly fine, huh?" Beast Boy snarked.

"Well, her utter stupidity didn't help. She had no idea what she was talking about, you know."

"I think Georgia's pretty good," Cyborg said in confusion. "What'd she do that was so confounding?"

"She said... she actually said, believe it or not... that I'm not going to be the same person after this. Can you believe that?" Raven said with a confused shrug. Her brow furrowed as her teammates looked away shyly. "What?"

"Well, Raven... you're not," Robin confessed with a guilty sigh.

"What do you mean... I'm not," she replied with an icy calm.

"You've obviously experienced something extremely upsetting, and that's going to stay with you. It's not any fault of your own!"

"You're right, because I'm just going to get over it. And that'll be that."

"Please, friend, be reasonable..." Starfire pleaded.

"I am. And, I've reasoned that she's an utter quack and that she can't help me. So... can I come back on duty now?"

"No," Robin said unhesitatingly.

"...what do you mean, 'no,'" Raven asked, eye twitching slightly.

"I think you're in denial, Raven."

"Denial? What does... Ergh, I really don't care!" she growled, slapping her face with her hand.

"I'll compromise in that you can start training with us again. If you're back up to snuff in my eyes, I'll put you back on duty. Sound fair?"

"Whatever," Raven grunted as she yanked her hood on. "Whatever."

* * *

"Okay, Titans, let's do Exercise 9B..."

Watching his teammates nod in acknowledgment, Robin strolled over to a console and typed his selection into the training computer. 9B involved the evasion or destruction of incoming projectiles; it was considered a warm up program.

"Ready?" Robin asked as he unfolded his staff. "Go!"

With a hum, various projectiles began to fly free of the machine. With clockwork grace, the five heroes blasted, dodged, or deflected the incoming projectiles. Out of the corner of his eye, Robin watched Raven's performance. The girl seemed somewhat more aggressive, even edgier, than usual but she was keeping up the pace. However, a spinning blade snuck up from her right, and slashed along her arm. The girl hissed in pain, clutching her torn sleeve. Robin frowned and clicked the emergency stop on his belt buckle.

"You alright, Raven?" he asked as he ran over.

"Yes, I'm fine!" she called. "Let's keep going."

"You sure? Let me see..." he urged, reaching for her arm.

"Robin, it's not necessary. I'm fine," Raven replied. "Really."

"Still..." Robin countered, taking it. "Hmmm, I guess you're right," he continued as he glanced over Raven's arm. "You look okay. All right, let's..." Robin trailed off as he looked at her arm closer. "Raven... what are these?" he asked, running a finger along a scar partially covered by her sleeve.

"Nothing. They're nothing," Raven answered. Her eyes and voice had a touch of worry to them.

"Raven, roll up your sleeves," Robin ordered curtly.

"No!" she yelped. "It's, uh, cold..."

"Cold?" Beast Boy squeaked. "It's freakin' May, Rae..."

"For me, it's cold," Raven sniffed.

"Roll them up, Raven," Robin repeated.

"I told you, I'm cold!" Raven shot back.

"Roll them up, or I will do it for you..." Robin said with an icy calm. Raven bit her lip, then rolled them up, looking away sheepishly as she did so. The boy gaped at the network of angry to calmer scars criss-crossing Raven's arms.

"...Raven, how could you..."

"I wanted to feel again, all right?" she said defensively as she ripped her sleeves back down. "I've felt nothing but cold numbness for months..."

"So you're mutilating yourself!" Robin gaped. "Oh, Raven..." he added with a hurt sigh.

"You don't know what it feels like, you can't complain!" she shot back.

"No, I don't know what it feels like, and I'm not going to try. But, Raven... you've spent the past month feeling like we showed that you couldn't trust us. You just showed me we can't trust you," Robin replied gently. Raven opened her mouth, but words didn't come. Her angry expression softened to sheepish guilt and embarrassment.

"I... I know, Robin," she stammered. The hint of tears glistened below her violet eyes, dull in shame.

"Raven..." Robin started before falling quiet. He sighed, then looked her in the eyes. "Raven, I'm really sorry about this, but... if you're hurting yourself and hiding it, it shows we can't trust you on your own anymore."

"What are you saying..." Raven said, discomforted confusion in her voice.

"I'm saying that until you get everything back in order... we're going to be keep an eye on you 24/7." The girl boggled.

"Robin, you can't do that..." Raven sputtered, a note of fear in her voice.

"Raven, you're a danger to yourself. I don't want to, but..."

"But... my meditations, my solitude, my... I can't have you watching me, that's all I have left!" she begged.

"I'm sorry, Raven. It's either you start seeing Dr. Keith in her office, or one of us in your room. It's up to you. I don't think we need to do anymore practice today," he continued, shutting down the machine.

"You're ashamed of me, aren't you," Raven said softly, rubbing her arm.

"I'm not ashamed, Raven. I'm worried. Very, very worried."

"We all are, Rae," Cyborg nodded.

"Please, friend... see the doctor of therapy?" Starfire begged.

"It won't help!" Raven cried. "I couldn't give her a convincing story, and--"

"'Story?'" Beast Boy asked, confused. "Dude, you were making stuff up?"

"I wasn't going to tell her what happened! I already mentioned my father..."

"Raven, you didn't even give therapy a chance..." Robin groaned. "Why? Why didn't you?"

"Because..." the teenager replied, looking at the floor.

"Because why?"

"Because it'd make me look weak..."

"Look weak? But, Raven, y--"

"Robin," Raven interrupted briskly, "you need to understand something. All my life, I have handled my emotions without letting them spill over. It's something I've taken a small amount of pride in. Sobbing on someone's shoulder is a sign of weakness. I'm admitting I'm not strong enough to do the job if I'm doing that. I've already slipped enough as it is."

"I've always thought sobbing on someone's shoulder meant you're admitting you need help and want it. That's not weak at all," Robin countered. Raven fell quiet, thinking about what he said. She stiffened with a deep breath.

"I need time to think. Alone. If it still means anything, I... I promise I won't do anything stupid."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Robin answered slyly. A small flicker of a smile played on Raven's lips. She nodded a thanks, and walked back inside the Tower.

* * *

"Well, hello Rachel!" Georgia trilled as her patient returned. "I was afraid you weren't going to come back."

"Doctor," the girl nodded briefly as she moved to sit down. She hesitated, then turned to face the elder woman. "Doctor Keith..."

"Please, Rachel, call me 'Georgia.'"

"Very well. Georgia, I... haven't been completely honest with you."

"What do you mean, Rachel?"

"See, that's just it," the teenager nodded. "I'm not Rachel Roth of Jump City Sanitation." With that, "Rachel" raised her arms as a black flash expanded out from her body. When it contracted, the girl before the therapist now wore a long black leotard and a flowing blue cloak with a peaked hood. "I'm... Raven of the Teen Titans," she added briskly as she pulled her hood on, as if to hide a dark secret. Georgia smiled.

"So you really are Victor's friend. I had a feeling," she nodded.

"Victor...?"

"Yes, Victor. He still sees me. He talks about you four a lot. In fact," she continued, "he called me before you came in to tell me to break the doctor/patient rule. He's very worried about you, Raven. He's never seen you this bad, even during the scare with your father..."

"But, if you had a feeling..." the girl started.

"I wasn't sure, and I felt you needed to tell me when you were ready. Now that we're all in the open, Raven, perhaps we should try again?"

"Sure, why not," Raven shrugged as she sat down. She stared off in thought, hands folded on her lap.

"Whenever you're ready..." Georgia reminded her.

"I am ready," Raven nodded. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "It was three months ago," the teenager started softly. "We were fighting a group I'm guessing Vic-- I mean, Cyborg, has told you about, the Brotherhood of Evil..."

* * *

"...and then I finally flew home," Raven finished, flicking a tear from her still closed eyes. Georgia blinked, struggling for words. "I know, I know," Raven said suddenly. "You don't know what to say. I know. Everyone says it."

"No, Raven... I was going to say what a strong young woman you are for experiencing that and trying to come to grips with it." Raven's eyes opened, scowling.

"'Strong,'" she scoffed in disgust. "I'm not strong. I let them rape me."

"You didn't let them to anything, Raven."

"They caught me, didn't they?"

"Yes, they did," Georgia agreed. "But, they obviously weren't, for lack of a better word, playing fair. You couldn't have known."

"I guess," she growled. "But, still..."

"Raven, this is what I'm seeing as the major obstacle to your recovery: You're blaming yourself for what happened. You did not ask to be a victim."

"Of course I didn't! But... I hate that word," Raven sighed.

"What word is that, Raven?" Georgia asked.

"'Victim,'" the girl replied, looking away from her. "I'm not a victim. I hate being a victim."

"Well, you are. And it's not your fault."

"I wasn't strong enough to fight them, Georgia."

"Raven, I understand how you feel about your emotions, but I must insist that you drop this. There is no way your could have prepared yourself for what the Brotherhood did to you. It's that simple."

"I... guess. But, still..."

"But nothing, Raven. It's true."

"If you say so," Raven replied with a sigh.

"I do. Now, I'm afraid we're out of time... I'd like to see you again soon... how would next week be?"

"Unless there's a crime wave, it should be okay," Raven shrugged.

"Excellent. I'll put you down for next Tuesday at 2:30 PM. In the meantime, I want you to think about all that happened, and pick one or two things you wish to focus on. I'll see you then, Raven."

* * *

"So... how'd it go?"

"Well, I don't know, VICTOR... what do you think?" Raven snarked as she entered the Tower.

"Jus' tryin' to help," the larger Titan mumbled in embarrassment.

"I know. And it was very nice. But, since you asked... I got the feeling I have a lot of work ahead of me," Raven sighed.

"I don't doubt it," Robin nodded.

"I... just hope I can handle it," the girl responded wistfully.

"Dude, if you can handle what the Brotherhood threw at you, you can handle anything!" Beast Boy urged, mimicking a fight.

"That's just it, Beast Boy... I don't know if I really handled it."

"You're pushing yourself too hard, Raven," Robin insisted. "If you keep that up, you'll be miserable."

"I already am miserable, Robin."

"Okay, fine... if you keep it up, you'll continue to be miserable.

"That's better... I guess," Raven replied. "I'll be in my room if you need me," she added before floating out of the room. A distant thud indicated she had closed herself in. Her fellow Titans exchanged glances.

"Is Raven... on a road to recovery?" Starfire asked.

"I think she is, Star," Cyborg nodded. "But, it's going to be a really bumpy one. And, well, I guess all we can do is try to be there for her."

"Agreed," Robin nodded. "Her whole world's been torn apart. She's still struggling to locate the pieces, let alone reassemble them."

"She'll do it," Beast Boy nodded. "I know she can."

"Me too," Robin nodded.

"As do I!" Starfire trilled.

"Yeah," Cyborg added. "Just don't push her. She's kinda fragile right now. I know I was after the accident at Star Labs. Keep your distance unless she asks, and we should be alright."

* * *

"Good afternoon, Raven. I see you have a list?"

"Yes, I do actually," Raven nodded as she unfolded a slightly wrinkled sheet of paper. "I tried to think of what bothers me most about what happened... I couldn't really pick one or two things, though..."

"That's okay. Let's see what you have," the therapist asked, extending her hand. Raven nodded, and she handed the woman the paper. Georgia looked at it, nodding as she did so.

"I'm noticing you dwell a lot on emotions here..."

"Yes, that's a part of it, I guess..."

"Why is that, Raven? How did this make you feel?"

"I thought I answered that," the patient frowned. "It felt like I was being raped. Abused. Invaded..."

"Why, though? Emotion is a natural thing..."

"Not for me. I'm not an emotional person... well, I try not to be."

"Why, though?"

"It's... linked to my powers," Raven shrugged in an attempt to explain. "My mood regulates my powers. The more angry I am, the harder they are to control. If I'm scared or sad, they're harder to summon. I'm having trouble doing things I considered parlor tricks before I got kidnapped..."

"And, I take it you've been very scared or sad since, obviously..."

"Let alone during the time I was held captive," Raven nodded. "It's as if something's, well... blocking my abilities. And I just don't know how to break it."

"So, you feel it's your emotions that are robbing you of your powers?"

"Not just my powers," the teen replied with a shake of her head. "My confidence."

"Confidence, Raven?"

"I've lost it. I... just don't have any in myself anymore."

"How does it make you feel?"

"Useless," Raven said numbly. "Just... useless."

"That's not very good," Georgia frowned. "How bad as this gotten, Raven?"

"I was suicidal and, well, this speaks for itself..." the teenager continued, showing the therapist a gouged arm. "I don't do it anymore, though. I promise."

"That's still very worrisome..." Georgia replied.

"Look, if you're about to have me committed or something..."

"No, I'm not worried for your life, Raven. I'm just worried that your ability to inflate your feelings of self worth is so low."

"Can you blame me?"

"Of course not. But, if you want to continue your healing, you have to. Raven, there really isn't much more work I can do with you until you can get your confidence in yourself back. It's that simple."

"I know..." Raven nodded with a sigh.

"Well, I'm glad we can agree on that..." Georgia smiled.

"It's just that... I kinda feel ashamed," Raven hemmed, rubbing an arm.

"Why, Raven?"

"I've cried a lot."

"You consider crying shameful?"

"You don't understand, Georgia. Controlling my emotions is such a big thing in my life... I feel like I've been gutted. And that every time I cry, I acknowledge it."

"Or that your body's still trying to work out how it should respond, Raven. You're still expecting a quick perma-fix solution where one is, I'm sorry to say, impossible. I wish you could understand that..."

"Oh, I know Georgia. But... still..."

"I think you'll find your way, Raven. And it will be in due time. But only when you're ready for it."

"I understand," Raven nodded. "Um, Georgia?"  
"Yes, Raven?"

"Just how... changed am I going to be?"

"Well, I can't really answer that," the woman admitted. "It all depends on the kind of person you are, and how quickly you can bounce back from upsets. But, if I were to venture a guess... I would say you'll probably have nightmares from time to time. Also, certain experiences or sensations may trigger memories. But, nothing too horrible for you to face. All it takes is accepting they'll happen, and learning how to deal with them. You can do both very easily once your confidence is regained."

"Oh, joy," Raven croaked.

"You doubt me now, Raven, but I speak the truth," Georgia insisted.

"I... I know," Raven sighed.

"Well, that's good that you do," Georgia smiled. "Now, since you seem a little overwhelmed at the moment, we can call it a day, as long as you promise to think over what we've talked about, okay?"

"Uh, sure..." Raven shrugged. "Same date and time, I guess?"

"Tuesday at 2:30," Georgia nodded. "Have a good week."

"Yeah... same to you," Raven nodded as she left. "Same to you."

* * *

"Oh, hey Raven... you're back early..."

"Yeah, she decided I needed some more time to think," Raven nodded as she closed her book. "Where've you been?"

"Just some Mad Mod trouble," Robin shrugged. "How are you?"

"I'm... getting there," she shrugged as well.

"Are you getting there well enough, friend?" Starfire asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Raven nodded. "Just, you know... some dealings, is all."

"All right," Robin said. "Well, if you need anything, just..." The boy was cut off as the Trouble Alarm blared. He bolted up to the console.

"What is it, Robin?" Beast Boy asked.

"It's the, uh, Brotherhood..." he hemmed. He saw Raven stiffen as if her blood had turned to ice water. "Stay here, Raven. We got this one."

"No."

"Rae..."

"I have to, Cyborg. I can't just... abandon you," Raven insisted, pulling on her hood. "Let's go."

"Are you SURE..." Robin said.

"I am. Now, let's go before I change my mind." With that, the team burst through the door to battle, a whole for the first time in months.

* * *

"Ze Titans are back, oui?"

"Save it, Magilla," Cyborg snarked as he blasted Mallah off the ground.

"A poor attack if I may say so," Immortius frowned as his colleague's smoldering form fell behind. "Rommel was an expert at holding back. You, however, are not." With that, he reached for his remote when a slender gray hand ripped it away.

"I don't think so, Father Time," Raven growled as she crushed the device. The now unarmed old man fled to regroup.

"We have triumphed!" Starfire squeaked gleefully.

"No, but I do get to see an old friend, it seems," a voice called. Raven's heart ground to a halt. Breath caught in her throat, she slowly turned to face the woman.

"Hello again, Raven," Rouge trilled. The teenager stared, eyes widened in dull terror, arms stiffly to her sides. The shapeshifter frowned, looking her up and down.

"Oh, I see. You're not Raven. You're the pathetic little child I so easily destroyed. Still playing superhero? A pity. You really must grow up," she continued as she slowly walked towards her. Raven could only whimper softly as she backed away, but her confronter was relentless.

"It seems I was hasty. I am no longer tired of our games. It was a... thrill to see you so miserable and broken. I want to see how much further I can break you. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"...no..." Raven managed to squeak.

"Too bad, darling," Rouge sniffed as she lashed out her arms.

"Get out of there, Raven!" Robin cried as the lethal limbs ripped through the air towards their victim. Frozen, the girl was ensnared easily around the waist and dragged forward, eventually vanishing under the putty-like flesh of the woman.

"And, here we are again, friends," Rouge smirked, one hand on the swollen form in her middle. "Poor little Raven's too scared to save herself once again."

"You MONSTER..." Robin hissed as he unclipped something from his belt. Rouge sniffed, aiming her middle at him.

"It appears you will have to go through your little friend if you wish to get at me. However, I find being a human shield isn't stressful enough... perhaps she'd also like to feel like she's being crushed alive..." Rouge mused aloud as her midsection began to clench over the prisoner within...

* * *

_"Not again... oh, Azar, please, not again!"_

Sweating in fear and stress, Raven hugged her knees and clenched her eyes shut in terror. An overwhelming stream of images flowed through her head; memories of what had happened, visions of what could. She couldn't take it again. She'd rather die than let them reduce her to that... creature that escaped from their clutches last time. This realization caused her head to clear momentarily. She was still being rational. They hadn't overwhelmed her yet. Raven grabbed hold of that small spark and began to focus everything she could on it.

_"No. I won't let them do it again. I won't let them... I won't!"

* * *

_

"Goodbye, Titans. This time, you will not see your little friend again," Rouge sniffed victoriously. "Until we meet..." The woman trailed off, confused. She looked down at her midsection, placing her hand upon it as if she were having a cramp. The Russian blinked as a black energy began to emanate from her center outwards, causing her body to puff like a balloon. A muffled voice began to come forth.

"Azarath, Metrion..."

"...oh..." Rouge managed. With that, she exploded in a flash of soul energy, reduced to a small rainstorm of putty-like droplets. Where she stood was Raven, hovering with her head slightly hung, and eyes closed.

"...zinthos," she added softly with a slight smile and opening eyes. She settled to the ground and stumbled, exhausted. Her friends steadied her.

"Raven!" Beast Boy squeaked. "That was..."  
"I know," she nodded.

"How do you feel?" Robin asked. The teenager hung her head once more.

"Depressed. Miserable. Weak. Violated. Scared." She looked up. "Hopeful."

"That's really good to hear," Cyborg nodded with a smile.

"Thanks," Raven blushed. She turned, eyes narrowed, towards the shivering puddle below her. "You even think of pulling me into you again, and you'll WISH this was all I'd done. And you two," she added, looking up at the uneasy Mallah and Immortius, "if you think of hooking me up to one of your little toys again, you'll make the good madame here look good. SCRAM," she finished, eyes and soul self blazing. Whimpering, the Brotherhood retreated.

"That must have felt pretty good, Raven..." Robin observed.

"You have no idea," she replied as she turned back to them with a smile. "You have no idea."

* * *

Raven watched the sunset a few hours later from atop the Tower. It was perhaps one of the most important ones in her life; it marked a beginning and an end. The end it marked was that of perhaps the most agonizing period of her entire life; the only one that could pass it, obviously, was her decisive battle against Trigon. However, it was the beginning of her life after that. She mulled this as the fading beams of sunlight played on her calm face.

She was under no delusions. She knew she faced months of therapy and wounds that would never heal, no matter much she wanted them to. But, the hump had finally been crossed. She was on her way back to as close to normal as she would be. Of course, what was really normal for her, a half-demon Teen Titan...

Smiling, Raven stretched and yawned softly, feeling the exhaustion of restless nights building on her petite frame. She phased through the ceiling to her room, kicked off her boots, and crawled into bed. As the welcoming sheets and pillows enfolded her body, Raven smiled again, feeling for the first time in months that seeing the Sun tomorrow would have meaning again. With that thought, she sank quickly and peacefully into a long, restful and well deserved night of sleep.


End file.
